There are always three sides to every story and/or situation. This is especially true for relationships. In times of challenge, most individuals are only able to see and focus on their own concerns. It’s difficult to see things from a different perspective when we’re caught up in our emotions.
Our perception of the trial we’re experiencing is somewhat distorted and clouded by the need to be right, heard or understood. This is the basic desire of most humans. So it makes sense that individuals in a relationship would have the same goals. What we see isn’t always the truth and our partner’s observations also aren’t the truth. There is, however, the real truth. Sometimes neither partner is aware. Love comes with disagreements; it’s a natural part of being involved with another person. Two different points of view are bound to cause conflict. However, conflict management is just that, it’s our ability to manage our thoughts, feelings and actions when tensions are high in our relationship. Most successful couples have the ability and desire to realize the ultimate goal is to get back to happy and knows exactly what that means. Sacrifices have to be made and as much of a struggle as it might be, we are going to have to seek out that truth.
The search for truth in our partnership begins by telling ourselves we are not in the relationship alone. Recognizing there is another partner and how they feel matters also is the secret. We must be willing to open our mind to the possibility of there being another intention. Not everything is how it first appears to be. We have to get in the habit of looking at every possible angle. Asking awareness questions helps us to pay closer attention to each element of our differences. “What else could it be” or “Would my spouse intentionally hurt me?” are perfect awareness questions which allow us to take a step back and examine everything.
In addition to opening our mind, we must also change the view and look at things from our mate’s perspective. Putting ourselves in their shoes and exploring how we would feel if the roles were reverse is also helpful. Though it’s hard to step away from our feelings, we have to look at what our spouse might be going through, even if it’s just for a moment.
There is power in uncovering the truth. The truth lies somewhere between the emotions and egos of each partner. If we look hard enough and are solution focused it will be found. Remember a couple of key ingredients for healthy partnerships include commitment and compromise. Searching for a truth not necessarily our own is a definite compromise.
BMWK – can you share with us ways that you learned to effectively communicate in your relationships?
So true!! Thank you.