Once we say “I do”, certain actions immediately become unacceptable in most relationships. Each couple should be aware of exactly what that is; we know what works as well as what hurts our relationships. During a recent airing of the Doug Banks radio show, the adult conversation of the day was “is it ever okay to tell your spouse/mate/significant other to shut up?”
…we have to be careful how we speak to one another. Being gentle with our words demonstrates the type of love and concern we should have for our mates
My thinking is that it’s never appropriate. Even if that is the desire in that moment, we have to be careful how we speak to one another. Being gentle with our words demonstrates the type of love and concern we should have for our mates. “Shut up” is harsh and demeaning. This conversation caused me to think of other words or phrases we sometimes say that could be damaging and hurtful. Here are a few additional words that have no place in your relationship. We must seek to avoid them at all costs.
“It’s your fault I did that” or “You made me do that”. It’s the easiest thing to say but definitely not the most accurate. When we display child-like behaviors, including temper-tantrums, pouting and a bad attitude, it’s no one’s fault but our own. We make the choices that lead to the healing or the sickness that occurs. We can’t point fingers or put that on our partners.
“You’re stupid”. Why would we ever say this to anyone, ever. But more importantly, it should never be uttered in our marriage. Stupid is defined as not intelligent, having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things, not sensible or logical, not able to think normally; If your spouse does unfortunately fit this description, we should assist them and support instead of belittle.
“I hate you” is one of the most destructive phrases you could ever say. This is the biggest relationship no no. Through disagreements, arguments and frustrations, we should never say these words. We must remember once it’s out there, you can’t take it back. Although we might apologize, “I hate you” is hard to forget.
Choosing our words and actions selectively is the responsibility of each partner. We have to do better, more often.
Now it’s your turn. BMWK, what phrases are unwelcome in your marriage?