Disharmony is never pleasurable. I don’t know anyone who looks forward to disagreeing with their spouse. It’s never easy when we are unable to see eye to eye. I hate it when my husband and I are at odds. It just feels weird and throws things off balance.
However, the reality is that our most recent argument probably won’t be our last. Something else will happen, a word will be said or we may be on opposite sides when it comes to a certain topic, and it’s okay. As I am maturing, I’m learning the art of managing the conflicts that arise in my relationship. It wasn’t always easy, but I now recognize what needs to happen in order for us to arrive back at a place of peace.
….every challenge isn’t the end of the world.
There are always rules to conflict as well as preventing what actually leads to the conflict. You may have heard various tips on how to make up after a blow up. The truth is, not every rule works in every relationship or in every situation. Couples tend to receive advice from a variety of sources, including friends and family. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. We must know the relationship, be knowledgeable of our spouse and be honest about ourselves. Being in tune with each of those areas assists us in getting back on track. We must remember that every challenge isn’t the end of the world. Hopefully we’ll bounce back and move forward better than ever.
Here are a few actions you can take after a disagreement with your spouse:
- Recognize and acknowledge the role you played. I know this one is a biggie, but it takes two to tango and two to disagree.
- Say you’re sorry. Whether or not you initiated the drama is neither here nor there, it’s usually something both partners should apologize for.
- Don’t make your partner the bad guy/girl to others. Sharing the one side of the story to someone we know will support us and help us bad mouth our partner is a no no. It’s unproductive. Instead of running to gossip about the situation, we should sit down and figure out the solution.
- Communicate the facts, share your perspective and listen for your partner’s thoughts.
- Look for the similarities as well as the discrepancies and discuss.
- Be still and sit next to your partner. You may find that neither of you wants to communicate in that moment, but you also don’t want to be the first to walk away. Sometimes we just need to be in silence to hear what isn’t being said.
- Say “I still love you, I still need you and I still want you”.
- Ask your partner to pray with you. Who can remain upset when there is prayer to be had?
- Spend some time alone reflecting. It’s okay to walk away, clear your mind and come back refreshed, ready for the healing to begin.
- Touch. Sometimes holding hands is good enough.
You and your partner will disagree, it’s a fact. But you have to be willing to listen, forgive, apologize and move forward.
BMWK, How do you make up after a blow up?