I recently had a client, who was afraid to get into a relationship, say, "I just don't want to lose myself in a relationship." Well of course I peeled that onion back and discovered that the core of the issue was that my client didn't realize that compromising isn't the same thing as settling. Why has the word compromise become a 4-letter word instead of a 10-letter word!? Why … [Read more...]
I’m Willing to Compromise, But She “Betta” Stop Trying To Change Me
This is kinda personal. I scarcely put my private marital issues out there. And this issue my wife and I are going through is on-going — meaning, I don’t know what the outcome is going to be. But grown men aren't afraid to share their story mid-test…before it becomes a glorified testimony. It went down over the weekend like this. I was coming out of the master bathroom. My … [Read more...]
Does a Happy Wife Always Lead to a Happy Life?
One of the most common phrases I’ve heard about how to make a marriage last is "happy wife, happy life". Rarely do the people who use this phrase explain what they mean, but one common translation is summed up by advice President Obama gave a husband at a campaign stop during his 2012 reelection bid: “Just do whatever she tells you to”. Conflating a wife’s happiness with her … [Read more...]
5 Conversations You Can’t Afford to Avoid When You’re Married
People always say that marriage is hard work, and it is, but what makes it harder is when couples avoid having difficult conversations. The reason for avoidance can vary. Anything, from discomfort to fear to a simple oversight, can lead a couple to miss out on a discussion that could very well make all the difference in the type of marriage they have. When couples avoid … [Read more...]
The “No Declarations Rule” Minimizes Resistance in My Marriage
One rule that Che and I follow in our marriage is the "No Declarations" Rule. On the surface it seems like its repressive and stifling, but the truth is, that it is one of the best rules we came up with. It forces us to be true partners and to communicate about all things, and especially those things that may have a profound impact on our marriage, household and future. When … [Read more...]
I Did It My Way: How to Compromise in Your Marriage
Sometimes marriage reminds me of being a kid. It's literally like you've gotta get permission for almost everything you do. I can remember being a kid trying to convince my moms to buy me a pair of Jordans for $140 (which in '88 was BANANAS for a pair of sneakers.) And now, I find myself doing the same as an adult! Whether it's still a pair of Jordans some 22 years later or a … [Read more...]