I don’t know how many times this has happened. My husband will be talking with someone and suddenly find himself at a loss for words. He knows what he wants to say, but he’s not quite sure how to say it. Then, I will pipe in and finish the thought, phrase, or sentence for him. We look at each other, nodding in agreement that we’re both on the same page. Some who don’t know us might wonder if it’s some kind of superpower. It wasn’t always that way in our relationship. But ours is not unique.
Most relationships that reach the point of oneness don’t start out that way. Not to get preachy, but the Biblical phrase “the two shall become one flesh” is a pretty well-known phrase on the wedding circuit. It’s just that many couples don’t realize that the road to oneness is messy. Often times, the culprit involves some form of failed communication.
- There are potholes, or arguments, meant to root out selfishness.
- There are speed bumps that should force you to slow your roll and leave sarcasm at the door.
- There are sharp curves filled with hurtful words that remind you to proceed with caution.
- And there are signs galore that warn you if you’re saying too much and going over the limit.
So with all of that, can couples possibly achieve the oneness they often hear preachers talk about during their wedding ceremony? While there is no one size fits all method to every circumstance, here are five crucial communication strategies that makes two becoming one not only possible, but fun.
Oneness in Prayer
Yes. I’m starting out with something spiritual. If you’ve ever seen a happily connected couple, you know there’s something about their relationship that you just can’t explain. Their oneness just seems to be on a different level. Usually, that means it’s a spiritual one.
Couples who achieve next level oneness don’t get there by accident.
In a battle, there’s nothing like knowing the person in the bunker next to you knows what you’re fighting for. That’s what praying together does. It connects partners together in a spiritual war so that no matter what comes their way, they rise and fall together. We hear all the time that marriage takes work. That work starts and ends with prayer. Praying together just ensures the chord of three strands remains unbroken.
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Oneness in Goals
Do you have goals for your marriage? I don’t mean your personal goals. I mean your marriage goals. Couples who achieve next level oneness don’t get there by accident. They put pen to paper and map out a plan to ensure success regardless of pitfalls along the way. They talk through:
- Family goals
- Financial goals
- Spiritual goals
In fact, they go one step further. Because they take the time to discuss and solidify the direction of their marriage, they know how to help each other stay the course through any and every distraction.
Oneness in Responsibility
Once you put a road map in place, you need to identify and capitalize on individual gifts that will help you achieve those goals. Who will be responsible for the laundry? Who will pick up the kids from school? Who will manage the household budget? Not to be contradictory, but the Bible also says that “two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Ecclesiastes 4:9.
While two becoming one is a matter of the heart, two are better than one when responsibility and teamwork are in play. Oneness in responsibility doesn’t just happen. It requires taking time to assess each other’s strengths and weaknesses and put them to good use in your relationship.
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Oneness in Intimacy
I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that a consistent and monogamous roll in the hay is up there on the list for many people who get married. Sexual beings like sex. That’s kind of par for the course. But, oneness in intimacy goes so far beyond just the act of sex. Two people becoming one flesh in the bedroom starts long before the clothes come off.
On a daily basis, are your words thoughtful and kind? Do you flirt with your spouse like you did when you were in pursuit, or when you were dating? Have you learned their love language and do you speak it fluently? In order to get toe curling thrills in the bedroom, learn to meet each other’s needs outside of it.
Oneness in Respect
Thanks to Aretha Franklin, we all pretty much know how to spell respect. And, according to her song, we need to “find out what it means” to each other. You see, spelling it and practicing it are two different things. As the song suggests, it’s important to know what your partner deems respectful or disrespectful.
Don’t assume that because something doesn’t bother or hurt you, it won’t bother or hurt your spouse. It’s not only important to treat them the way you would want to be treated; treat them the way they want to be treated. Only then can respect truly be on a two way street.
Look, taking your marriage on the road to oneness is not meant for the faint at heart. It’s true that the ability to finish your spouse’s thoughts or sentences is a superpower. But it’s a superpower for marriages rich in communication. Hopefully, these tips will make for a much smoother ride.
BMWK, what communication strategies do you have that promote oneness in your marriage?