My goals for my marriage are pretty simple. I want a home where love and peace are overflowing and I desire a marriage built on love, trust, honor, and commitment.
In order for each of those ideals to exist, I have to check my attitude, make sacrifices, and practice effective communication. In knowing what I want for marriage, I must also be aware of what I don’t want.
There are some relationships I’ve witnessed, unfortunately, that I don’t ever want my husband and I to become. Here are a few:
Mr. and Mrs. Miserable
These guys complain about everything and everyone. This couple isn’t quite sure how to be happy anymore. The relationship has been miserable for so long, it’s now their new normal. When you don’t know how to be happy, you hone in on all the things that add to your misery.
You look for what’s broken and ignore all the positives that are happening all around you. Solutions are no longer sought and this couple has become accustomed to this new reality.
In order to improve this type of relationship, you must first count all of your blessings and believe that it’s never too late to create a new beginning. Your relationship is what you and your spouse decide it is. If it’s misery you seek, you’ll get it. But if it’s joy you seek, you’ll find that too.
Mr. and Mrs. Fight Club
They disagree every chance they get. Fighting is natural for this couple. There are triggers and buttons pushed frequently. Peace is non-existent as is effective communication. There is yelling, cursing, and disrespect.
They forgot how to talk to one another like adults. Couples must always communicate, even when angry, as though they love each other. There is a way to disagree and still have love present.
Every disagreement doesn’t have to turn into a brawl. Listening, acknowledging, validating and understanding are key communication ingredients that every couple must practice in order to avoid the drama that comes as a result of chaos.
Mr. and Mrs. No Intimacy
He barely touches her. She barely touches him. This couple forgot this was a key ingredient for marriage and seem to take each other for granted. Sadly, they think their marriage will be okay without it.
Intimacy demonstrates a couple of things in a marriage. First, there is love and excitement for one another. Second, an attraction and desire exists.
Each partner has a responsibility when it comes to intimacy. We must be willing to do what it takes to keep our spouse interested in us.
We must take care of our bodies and show a genuine attraction to our partners. Flirting, kissing, touching, whispering, caressing, fondling, nibbling are a few actions that should be present in every marriage. Keeping intimacy alive is an excellent relationship goal.
Mr. and Mrs. Compare our Relationship
So they think their marriage should mirror that of everyone around them. Well, it won’t work. Your husband can’t do what your BFF’s husband does. They are two different people.
This couple is so set on what everyone else around them has going on, they are missing the uniqueness of their own marriage. Couples must recognize who they are and what they have and be grateful. There are blessings in each of our unions.
Mr. and Mrs. Ignores Reality
Unfortunately, this couple pretends problems don’t exists. They won’t discuss their challenges, but rather act like everything is fine. The surest way to ruin a marriage is to ignore the issues that surface.
Pretending challenges don’t exist won’t make them disappear any faster. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Those problems will continue to exist, causing frustration and resentment and will eventually all come to a head leading to some serious destruction of the relationship.
It’s always better to face them head on and tackle them together as a couple. There also shouldn’t be any shame in seeking out relationship professionals to help you and your spouse get back on track.
Couples, you are in charge of your marriage. It could lead to the negative behaviors I have listed above if you don’t love better and stronger. Or, it could it be exactly what you prayed it would be if you lived and loved like your marriage was important to you. It’s your choice.
BMWK, what other types of couples do you and your spouse want to avoid becoming?