Let’s just make this clear as we get started – When you hurt, you hurt. It doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks your hurt is valid. You know what you feel.
So how do you truly let past hurts become water under the bridge? In other words, how do you let it go to the point that it no longer affects your life in a negative way?
Related: Read these 6 helpful ways to overcome disappointment with your mate.
Let me offer some help to get you moving in this direction. The information remains true whether the hurt was produced in a marriage, a friendship, from family or a perfect stranger.
Admit that it still hurts.
Check to see if you have a cover-up game going on; pretending you are not bothered and that everything is okay. If it hurts it’s okay to admit it.
It’s like locating yourself on a map and saying, “I am here”. I am in a place of hurt in this area of life.
Once you have located where you are, you can make a plan to step out from that location.
Make the decision to release the pain.
You must make the decision to release the pain. Why? Because it is hard to get rid of something that you really want to hold on it. For some folks, a state of misery has become a way of life. Making the decision to release the hurt will require you to monitor your thought life because your thought life feeds yours emotions.
Say it out loud, “I release the hurt, pain, shame, guilt and embarrassment inflicted on me when ______________ (insert person’s name) did _______________. I no longer give this situation power over me.” Be very specific. Then feel the weight being lifted.
Forgive yourself and become the Victor, not the Victim.
Don’t blame yourself for still being angry, hurt, or disappointed. Placing blame just aggravates the situation that much more.
Related: Here are 4 misconceptions about forgiveness that affect your marriage and life
Dig deep to learn the lesson the hurtful incident has to offer. Learn it well. Then vow not to be victim to this same situation again. Move into the victors circle by using what you have learned to protect your heart.
Forgive the other person.
Forgiveness is for you. Truly forgive in your heart. You don’t have to go tell the other person you forgive them, that is up to you, but it’s not necessary. You see, right now this is about getting you together. You forgiving is the beginning of your healing.
Stop resurrecting the dead.
Squash/Kill the problem (not the person). Once you kill it don’t keep resurrecting it with your words. Place your mind and your heart in a more positive space. You may have to keep reminding yourself, “don’t go back there; let it go”.
This is where the water under the bridge part comes in. You see when water flows under a bridge it flows in one direction. Once it has gone under the bridge it’s gone. The water may have caused mass destruction along the way. Yet and still, it’s gone. So to with hurtful situations. Once they are done, it’s done. You can’t go back and rewind time.
Live in the now.
At this point in your life you can make the choice to let healing begin. A wounded heart will heal. But I caution you, every time you pick the scab off the wound and relive the hurt you give that thing new life.
Stop it.
Live in the moment of today. You will learn to trust again, love again, open your heart again – if you begin to move forward.
You begin to move forward wiser and sharper, with love (not hatred) as your guide. Only you can let go of the hurt and allow it to be water under the bridge. I’m cheering for you. You can do this.
BMWK, has your past hurt become water under the bridge?