There are so many things that make a marriage work. First off, love needs to be a part of the equation. Once you have real love there are so many other factors that matter like shared values, compatibility, and aspirations. And, of course, there is sex. Without a healthy sex life a relationship begins to suffer.
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for some marriages to become sexless. Couples have kids, demanding jobs, manage a ton of stress and when they begin to feel like something’s got to give, that something is often sex.
But sex just can’t be the thing that “gives” all the time. Sex is a critical part of a happy marriage. Once you put it on the back burner and keep it there, you end up with a roommate instead of a spouse—definitely not what you signed up for.
Of course there may be deeper issues that have resulted in a lack of sex in your marriage—like infidelity or illness—but sometimes, addressing a few bad habits can start to turn things around. Will you start having sex all day, every day? Nah. But, will you move towards creating an environment that is conducive to some good lovin’? I think so.
Here are 7 habits that may have you hearing crickets in your bedroom every night.
- Your social media habit. I am guilty of this. I try to justify my behavior because social media actually is a large part of the work that I do, but whether it’s for work or not, tweeting and laughing at Facebook posts once you get in the bed can be a huge turn off.
- Checking work email. If your spouse feels like you are on-call around the clock, becoming intimate can be difficult. No one wants to start foreplay, only to have his or her spouse lean over and look at the phone because a new email came in.
- Eating too late. This might seem like a weird one, but our digestive systems just aren’t what there were when we were 21. It’s hard to have some serious fun in the bedroom if you feel bloated or so full that you just want to sleep. Check out 10 Surprising Foods That Affect Your Sex Drive Part II
- Having deep conversations. I know that being in the bed together may seem like the only time you can have that deep conversation about something that’s pissing you off, but try to keep those conversations away from your bed. It’s hard to be intimate in the same space where your spouse was yelling or crying two nights ago.
- Not de-stressing from your day. Take a bubble bath, enjoy some wine, meditate, or take a hot shower. It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it’s something that helps you release some of the stress from your day. Bringing that stress into the bed is not sexy.
- Watching too much television. My husband calls the television the “blue light” and claims that it helps him sleep. I think that is crap and the TV needs to go off. We meet somewhere in the middle and it works for us. Make sure the TV in your bedroom isn’t interfering with your love making plans.
- Letting the kids sleep in your bed. I love my kids, but my son keeps ending up in our bedroom at night and it’s a problem. We’ve been working on it and things are getting better, but having your kids in your bed every night can definitely have a pretty negative impact on how much fun you have in your own bedroom.
BMWK – what are some other bad habits that interferon with intimacy?