By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
Okay, special shout out to all the occasionally stressed out, burned out mothers who feel you may just scream if you hear the words “Mommy, can you”...” one more time.
As a mother, I can admit, sometimes my days are just downright stressful. From time to time, I need an “I’m not a Mommy” hour (or two), where I sit in silence and listen to the beautiful sound of “no one needs me for anything.” Please don’t misunderstand me – my children are the biggest blessings my life has ever received. It’s just that for most people who have made the choice to take on the full-time job of parenting, we get tired and need relief.
This isn’t meant to disregard daddies, because they also need a release occasionally, but for the purpose of this post I can only speak from the mommy perspective. Moms are the nurturers, I get that, but with two parents in the household I’m wondering what I’ve shown my children to make them believe that I am the go to parent at all times for almost everything.
Not that my husband doesn’t help, he is always willing and able. Our children just seem more prone to asking me whatever questions or to meet whatever needs they have at any given moment.
When there is bickering, I hear “Mommy, can you tell her to stop…” or “Mommy, she keeps”...”
When someone is restless I hear “Mommy, I can’t sleep,” or “It hurts when I close my eyes”...”
And when they are just plain old bored I hear “Mommy, what can I do now”...”
I really get puzzled when I hear a “Mommy, can you get…” and daddy is standing right next to what they need and I’m somewhere else in the house. I think, seriously isn’t your dad right there? I do love that my children rely on me and trust me to attend to their needs, but here’s what I had to do:
Walk Away. Rather I take a quick trip to the store or just around the block, hopping in the car and getting away provide me peace.
Pretend to be asleep. Just kidding, no but seriously; I have done this a couple of times and I’ll be honest I do feel slightly guilty, but at that moment a moms got to do what a moms got to do.
Encourage them to ask daddy. He is available and always willing to help. I am not sure why this one took me so long to figure out. I guess there is a part of me that feels there are certain things that a mom should always do.
Ask for help. My simply asking for assistance has made a huge difference.
Take my own time out. Locking myself in the bathroom for an hour (or two) is extremely relaxing. There is no rule on how long a hot bath should take.
Acknowledge that I am no superwoman. I let myself off the hook by being honest about not being able to do it all. Now I wonder who ever told me I had to.
BMWK Parents, if you have ever had one (or quite a few) of those days, how do you release?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children.