Has this happened to you before? You hear one part of a scripture in church service and run with it? One of those common scriptures just happens to be in John 15, when Jesus was giving an excellent metaphor about vines, branches, and our discipleship. I’m sure you’ve heard before, “Ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you.” That’s what Jesus tells us, then we start going crazy in praise because we can get whatever we want if we just ask the Father.
Hol’ up, there’s more to this verse than what meets the eye. It’s important to read the rest of the related scriptures with that verse to get context as to why it was said, who it was said to, etc. The first part of John 15:7 states
“If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you.”
The keyword in that whole text is IF.
We can get whatever we wish, but on the “condition” that we remain in Christ and His word remain in us. It’s just that simple, and it’s just that hard.
I think that one of the many reasons why we as singles are not married yet, (for those who want to be married anyway) is because we are asking with the wrong intentions, mindset, and spirit. I can witness to this myself because I’ve done it– praying for marriage with the wrong intentions and no knowledge of what it meant to be married and the purpose of it for my life. For example, I would say I want to be married to enjoy the benefits of legal sex [legal sex = sex within marriage].
Yes, we Christians can get in our hormones, desires and lust only to idolize marriage if we have the wrong intentions and perspective for marriage. We can be hopeful about being married one day, but asking God to give you a husband or wife when you’re not giving your time to God is asking with the wrong intentions. Asking to be married on selfish reasons, for legal sex with your spouse, to be taken care of, to keep up with friends or colleagues, or any other vain reason is simply with the wrong intentions. Men do it, and women do it.
We have also heard the scripture referring to “you have not because you ask not” before. Again this scripture is also taken out of context often. I’ve probably done that in my lifetime too, but when looking at James 4 in the Message version, it’s a butt whooping’ for the spirit. Believers in this text are referred to as “spoiled children,” boldly coming to God and asking for things and people that God never intended for them to entertain. The NKJV states that we are asking amiss, meaning we are asking “wrongly or inappropriately.” Singles, we are those spoiled kids that James referred to every time we come to God in prayer with the wrong intentions for marriage.
It’s more than just having a title. Marriage is a ministry, it’s hard work, it’s to help others, it requires us to easily forgive, it requires us to be selfless, it’s to break down yokes and strongholds in generations and more. If you’re prayers don’t include some or all of those things when you ask God for marriage, what are you asking Him for exactly? If you want to get married someday, you must make the decision to be a good partner to the One who gave you life. I’m learning and living this thing too, so don’t feel discouraged at all! Keeping Christ at the center of your life is more than just doing it to get a spouse, a new home or any other blessing. We love God because He first loved us, and His will for us is better than what we could ever want.
What helps you remain in Christ? Prayer, fasting, meditating on scripture, renewing your mind in Him. We want to be actively living out the principles of Christ-like character and loving our neighbors as ourselves, bearing the fruits of the spirit. We have to work on holiness and righteousness in our single season; improve your holiness for your future spouse and family, but most of all for God because that’s what He wants from you. Remember that we are the branches and Christ is the vine; we cannot do anything without Him. And why would you want to? We need God’s direction and Holy Spirit working within us to accomplish our purpose on this earth and obtain favor from the Lord. It’s “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength” [Philippians 4:13] not “I can do this on my own.” That’s one reason why so many divorces happen, because people got tired of waiting on God and went after marriage without His timing or approval.
Don’t be like the prodigal son, asking our Father for a blessing before it’s time because you’re bored or acting spoiled. Get busy and get in God’s business. When you center your life around Christ, you will think more like Him and your wants and will for your life will mirror His. That’s the whole point of the scriptures in John 15. We are to bear fruit like Christ, not bear our own fruit our own way. John 15:16 MSG says “You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, He gives you.”
So if it’s not your season or year to get engaged or married, it’s okay. Stay in the will of the Father, please Him and seek out His perspective on you getting married. Ask Him to change your mindset on finding love and rid your heart of any wrong intentions. I hope this helps someone. I’m tired too y’all, but guess what, we have to carry our crosses and walk after the One who gave us life. He knows what you desire. Ask with the right intentions, leave it be at His will and pace, and get back to business.
BMWK: Do you have the right intention when you pray for a spouse?