Check yourself before you check them. You are so quick to point out your partners shortcomings but have you truly taken a look at your behavior. It’s very easy to complain about an issue but what are you actually doing to correct that issue? Sure you may have expressed many times to them about your displeasure but did you really take a positive and effective approach? In some cases you have said nothing specific about what you need but you expect them to “know better” by now and that approach has gotten you nowhere. You have become so focused on what they won’t do that you now overlook what YOU are not doing.
How can you as a man complain that your women isn’t sexually satisfying you when you have not taken the time to make sure she is truly sexually satisfied? How can you as a woman complain about a man’s lack of honesty and openness with you when you have spoken lies and held back in the name of “protecting yourself”? How can we as a people expect anyone to fulfill our needs and desires if we are incapable or unwilling to fulfill theirs?
The answer is we shouldn’t expect it. If you are not going to provide what you are looking for in a partner then don’t be surprised when you don’t get it. I know some of you are thinking “well I am open with him sometimes” or “I have sexually satisfied her at times”(lets just hope she wasn’t faking it). I can understand your position but consider this. Has he not been open with you “sometimes”. Has she not sexually satisfied you “sometimes”. Guess what, they sure have and yet you still find time to complain because you feel it isn’t enough. Which you are right, it probably isn’t but unless you are putting in the same kind of effort then you need to sit down and think about how you have been handling this.
Continuing to be consumed by getting what you want will only guarantee that you won’t get it. Yes it may come from time to time and they may be able to keep it up for awhile. But it can still become an issue again if you are only focused on getting what you want. Which means you are not putting enough focus on what they need. It will catch up to you and that person who has been doing the giving will either walk away or no longer give like they should. Regardless of their choice, your relationship will now be on its way to failure unless you are willing to change your approach.
Once in a relationship, your focus should not be on you, it should be on them. If both parties took that approach then both would get what they need and desire. Being selfish has no place in a relationship that you wish to be successful. We all have to go in with the mentality that if we give then we will receive. Before any of you say, “well I gave plenty and received nothing in return” let me make something clear. Giving was not your issue, it was “who” you chose to give to that was the problem.
Always focus on doing your job and if your partner refuses to step up, then you should take a moment to determine if you are truly where you belong. Staying in a relationship that you are not prepared to do what is right is simply pointless. You only ensure that things will continue to move in the wrong direction and that you and your partner will not be as happy as you both deserve to be. Relationships are not 50/50 they are 100/100. You have to give it your all if you expect for your partner to do the same. So if your relationship or past relationships haven’t been reaching its full potential then take a moment to ask yourself: Am I Currently Giving What I Want To Receive?
BMWK – when having concerns in your relationship, have you taken the time to assess what you are bringing to the table? Does that help to change your perception of the issues? Sometimes a change in attitude can make a world of difference in a relationship.