My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for 6 months. Some would say we’re still in the honeymoon phase but we feel like we’ve been together forever. As newlyweds, we’re still settling into our lives with each other, including living together and pursuing our individual and joint goals. We’re often met with the age old question by family and friends, and the question has us thinking, “Is a baby next?”
Sure, we’re adults in the sense of our age, we provide for ourselves, and we’re mature, but we both agree that we have a lot of growing up to do. When we log on to Facebook, every two weeks we find another one of our friends or former classmates is expecting or has had a baby. Out of the dozens of peers who are new mothers and fathers, I’d say 90% of them are not married. Most of the new parents are no longer together. Even more frightening, many of them don’t have jobs with benefits. So these are most certainly not ideal conditions to have a child.
Babies are such a joy and a blessing, so when I see these children, I instantly start thinking of my own. Of course there’s thoughts like who will they look like, what will their personality be, and how will we do as parents. Baby fever is real amongst newlyweds, and you can say the pressure is on. We both agree we want children, but there’s no agreement as to when. We hear all the time from our mothers that there’s no right time to have a child. We were both unplanned, but our parents were in situations that they could financially handle a new addition. However if we can help it, we’d like to accomplish a few things before we bring a new bundle of joy into this world. I have my own baby bucket list of goals I’d like to cross off before having a son or daughter, but as a couple, we agree on a few things:
- Own a home: Right now we’re renting, and we’re in our second home since we moved in together. We want to have a stable environment for our future son or daughter to grow up in. Moving can be stressful on a family, but especially for a child. It’d be nice to live in the same home for years.
- Have full time jobs with benefits: This is a huge goal for both of us. I was laid off in January, right after I passed my 90 day probation and was eligible for benefits. My husband was laid off in September, and with his job went the benefits. I’m now freelancing and my husband’s going back to school. This is certainly not the time to have a baby. We want to ensure we have a steady income and benefits for our child.
- Enjoy each other for a while: So many couples rush into building their family and miss out on the precious time they have alone with each other. We don’t want to do that. Once we become parents, it’ll never be “just us” again until they build their own families, which would take a couple of decades. There’s still so much to learn about each other and enjoy together without worrying about another mouth to feed and little person to take care of. We want to travel and vacation, which would be a lot more difficult with a baby in tow.
So whenever we find ourselves catching baby fever, we ask ourselves are we ready, and the answer is always no. Babies aren’t accessories, although that’s what some people would lead you to believe. I’m not ready for morning sickness, constant bathroom trips, and odd cravings. That’s a right of passage I’m going to delay at least for the next couple of years.
How soon after getting married did you want to have kids? Were you able to stick to your plan?