If you’ve ever seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin you’re probably familiar with some of the negative stereotypes associated with adult male virgins. But did you know there is a real-life 30-Year-Old Virgin who is nothing like that movie’s main character? JimDre Westbrook, creator of the site Worth the Wait Guy, is defying stereotypes and showing that a man can be creative, confident, inspiring, and abstinent. It was a pleasure to chat with him about his site, his faith, and his movement to change the way people think about male virgins.
BMWK: Are you a virgin or remaining celibate until marriage? What motivated you to abstain from sex until marriage?
JimDre: I am the real-life 30 year-old virgin! I have never had sex before. I made a pact with God at the tender age of 14 to wait for sex until marriage. I grew up in a household where we believed in God and His word. It’s very important to understand that I made this decision on my own – my parents did not influence my decision either way. I always thought that waiting for sex until marriage was the “ultimate gift” a husband could give to his wife.
BMWK: What is the most difficult part of your decision (e.g., temptation, social pressure)?
JimDre: The most difficult part of my decision is the constant everyday temptation. We live in a very over-sexualized world – sex is everywhere! It’s so easy to be sexually active in 2014, especially living in the Sin City aka Entertainment Capital of The World. The dating culture in Las Vegas is all about “hooking up” and when that’s not your thing, dating life can be a bit challenging.
BMWK: How do women react when you inform them of your decision? Does your decision make dating more difficult?
JimDre: Believe it or not, most women react very positively when I inform them of my decision to wait for sex until marriage. Their first reaction is mostly the same – shockingly surprised! Once I explain my reasoning, women express their encouragement and support. However, being a virgin does complicate the dating process. Even though women may respect what I’m doing (or not doing), it doesn’t mean that they would actually date a virgin. In most of my dating experiences, I’ve actually been blessed to date women who totally respected my decision 100%. That made life a lot easier 🙂
BMWK: What advice would you give to people (especially men) who want to make a similar decision?
JimDre: LAYOP – which means “Live At Your Own Pace!” I learned very early in life that if one wants to achieve a goal, one must be aggressive and unafraid to fail. You cannot be afraid of greatness and make life choices based on what other people will think of you. Their opinions do not outweigh your personal happiness. God has blessed us all with a wonderful life. It is our job to make great use of each breath and make life count every single day. This advice can be used for someone who is experiencing a similar journey as mine or everyday life – living at your own pace is a universal message and lifestyle.
BMWK: Do people ever say that you’re judging others by your decision and openness about abstaining?
JimDre: I don’t think so because I’m very honest about who I am as a human being. Yes, I’m a virgin, but I’m not perfect. I’m a human being just like everyone else. I have sinned before. I have missed the mark just like the next man. I pride myself on being humble – I have respect for everyone and never put myself on a bigger stage because of my personal walk with God. No one is larger than God. He is the Creator and the reason why we all exist. My respect for Him is too real for me to judge others. That’s not my job and I simply cannot support that.
BMWK: Are you looking for a woman who has also abstained?
JimDre: Look, it’s 2014 and most people my age have had sex before – the chances of me marrying a virgin are very slim! However, that is not a requirement of mine. Of course, I’m looking for a smart, God-fearing, beautiful, respectful woman but she doesn’t have to be a virgin.
BMWK: Would you have any difficulty being in a serious relationship with a woman who had a particular number of partners?
JimDre: The “numbers” game can be a dangerous game. Most people want to know how many partners their significant other has been with. I’m one of those people. I believe it’s very important information, especially when building a solid foundation with a person of interest. Honesty is the best policy, in my opinion. I’d rather be with the woman who was truthful about her number than the one who initially lied to me then confessed. I’m not in the judging business, so I will not judge a woman based on her number. At the end of the day, I want to be with who God wants me to be with—low or high number.
BMWK: Why do you think it is important to abstain before marriage?
JimDre: I believe it’s important to wait for sex until marriage because it’s a great way to build a personal relationship with God. Giving your body to God as a living and holy sacrifice is an awesome way to honor your faith in Him. By doing this, God will also help you transform into a new person by changing the way you think. Growing up, I always wanted to find a true connection with God and I felt that this was the best way for me. I loved Him and respected His word. Others can also abstain from sex until marriage and receive the same blessings.
BMWK: What’s the strangest response you’ve ever gotten after you’ve told someone about your decision?
JimDre: The strangest (and funniest) response I’ve gotten after telling someone I was still a virgin was when one of my friends and I were at dinner. We jumped on the topic of dating and she asked me about sex. When I responded, she literally choked on her food – priceless!
BMWK: Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on something? If so, what?
JimDre: Honestly, no because I know my time is near. I’ve been very patient throughout the years and I know God is working his magic in finding my future wife. I’m in no immediate rush but I’m excited about it. A wise man once told me, “you can’t miss something that you’ve never had before!”
BMWK — What are your thoughts on abstaining until marriage?