“What you focus on is what will grow!” This quote got me thinking about how we in relationships tend to focus so much on our mate’s shortcomings and not enough on his or her positive attributes. As a coach I often get clients who call me and can give me a list of everything their mates are doing wrong.
“He doesn’t clean up behind himself!”
“She nags too much!”
“He doesn’t help with the kids enough!”
“She doesn’t have enough sex with me!”
You know, the normal complaints your friends can rattle off without even having to think too long about them. Well if you take that same person and ask “What do you love about your mate?”
You might have to sit tapping your foot in an awkward silence waiting on them to come up with an answer. I often think to myself how come in the beginning we always look for the best in our mates but as we grow we focus so much on the negative?
I’m not saying you have to ignore your mate’s short comings because we all have room for growth, but a little acknowledgement and appreciation goes a long way. Instead of walking in the house complaining about why the house isn’t clean, walk in and tell him or her how you appreciate the time they spend working hard so that you have a roof over your head.
Instead of complaining about how y’all haven’t had sex in awhile, remind her of how beautiful she is and how she gets better with time.
Instead of thinking the negative things need addressing and the positives can be ignored because they are “supposed” to happen try to stay conscious of the fact that everyone likes a little confirmation and appreciation. Your mate isn’t superman or superwoman; your mate wants to please you but constantly beating them down isn’t going to get their attention.
Step back and catch your mate doing something right for a change and then talk about that!
BMWK, How else can we start focusing on our spouse’s positive attributes verse the negative?