This post is intended to give permission to all the parents who feel guilty about taking vacations without your children. I can relate because I have been there. My husband and I have a married relative who has a strong belief regarding vacations and the children. The belief: parents/couples should not take vacations without their children.
When I first heard this philosophy, I must admit I felt slightly guilty because in addition to our family vacations, my husband and I had taken a few vacations without our girls. After I gave it a little more thought I was convinced we were doing the right thing. Our relative is so against leaving their children that they either take a family vacation or each spouse takes a turn going out of town with friends; but not one vacation as a couple. I just cringed as I typed that.
My husband and I love our children dearly, but if we don’t spend some time away from them, I believe we would go crazy as would they. I find that without our couple’s vacations we will never have a real opportunity to reconnect and focus on our relationship uninterrupted. It also provides my husband an occasion to receive my full attention. The reality being that our day-to-day doesn’t allow much room for it. Unfortunately he is frequently given the last of my time and vice versa. So I also have the chance to get his full attention in a neutral, beautiful, and fun location.
In my opinion there is nothing more romantic than being alone with just my spouse on a white sandy beach with blue waters and not one person yelling “Mommy or Daddy” or being on an adventure vacation doing something new. Even a quick weekend drive to the city next door breeds great adult conversation and connection. A couple of our vacations have included adult-only resorts where there isn’t a child in sight. Talk about peaceful. The benefit is that we are different on vacation. I have noticed we are spontaneous, relaxed, open to experiencing new things and adventurous, none of which we are often enough at home.
I get that our relative feels as though his children will somehow miss out on something or regret that their parents traveled without them. But on the contrary, children benefit by seeing parents put value on the time they spend together as a couple. What better way to do that than by taking a vacation and sharing with the children why a couple needs that time. Our girls are always excited when we leave because they get to spend time at their grandparents’ house, which appears to also be a vacation for them. When we return we are rejuvenated and completely ready to step back into our mommy and daddy roles.
BMWK, do you take vacations without the kids? Do you ever feel guilty about it?