This post is intended to give permission to all the parents who feel guilty about taking vacations without your children. I can relate because I have been there. My husband and I have a married relative who has a strong belief regarding vacations and the children. The belief: parents/couples should not take vacations without their children.
When I first heard this philosophy, I must admit I felt slightly guilty because in addition to our family vacations, my husband and I had taken a few vacations without our girls. After I gave it a little more thought I was convinced we were doing the right thing. Our relative is so against leaving their children that they either take a family vacation or each spouse takes a turn going out of town with friends; but not one vacation as a couple. I just cringed as I typed that.
My husband and I love our children dearly, but if we don’t spend some time away from them, I believe we would go crazy as would they. I find that without our couple’s vacations we will never have a real opportunity to reconnect and focus on our relationship uninterrupted. It also provides my husband an occasion to receive my full attention. The reality being that our day-to-day doesn’t allow much room for it. Unfortunately he is frequently given the last of my time and vice versa. So I also have the chance to get his full attention in a neutral, beautiful, and fun location.
In my opinion there is nothing more romantic than being alone with just my spouse on a white sandy beach with blue waters and not one person yelling “Mommy or Daddy” or being on an adventure vacation doing something new. Even a quick weekend drive to the city next door breeds great adult conversation and connection. A couple of our vacations have included adult-only resorts where there isn’t a child in sight. Talk about peaceful. The benefit is that we are different on vacation. I have noticed we are spontaneous, relaxed, open to experiencing new things and adventurous, none of which we are often enough at home.
I get that our relative feels as though his children will somehow miss out on something or regret that their parents traveled without them. But on the contrary, children benefit by seeing parents put value on the time they spend together as a couple. What better way to do that than by taking a vacation and sharing with the children why a couple needs that time. Our girls are always excited when we leave because they get to spend time at their grandparents’ house, which appears to also be a vacation for them. When we return we are rejuvenated and completely ready to step back into our mommy and daddy roles.
BMWK, do you take vacations without the kids? Do you ever feel guilty about it?
Kristen R. Harris says
Tiya, I totally agree with your theory. EVERY couple needs some time alone with NO kids, NO family and NO pressures of everyday life. This is right on time for me as my hubby and I are leaving next weekend on a cruise to celebrate our anniversary. We had a family member question us as to why we werent taking the kids…My response “Because its OUR anniversary, not theirs!”
Tiya says
Kristen, I can relate. This is how our family memeber reacts everytime we plan a vacation witout our children.
Tiya says
Kristen, I can relate. This is how our family memeber reacts everytime we plan a vacation witout our children.
Joycelyn Jones says
I agree as well, we took a 5 day vacation last year to Punta Cana, DR and it was glorious.u00a0 We were able to totally focus on each other, not worry about who was doing what, no cell phones, etc.u00a0u00a0u00a0 I believe this is essential so that we keep our marriages strong so that we are there for our children.u00a0 The greatestest gift we can give our children is showing them a loved-filled, strong marriage where we esteem our spouses highly.u00a0 Great topic.
Tiya says
Thank you Joycelyn, well said!
Tiya says
Thank you Joycelyn, well said!
Jaye Beasley says
EXCELLENT piece of writing Tiya, I truly believe this is essential to a marriage and we as parents don’t get a chance to do this enough. Keesha and I are going on vacation next month, the first real vacation without the girls in (let’s just say) a long time. We have vacationed with the kids alot and only get away with each other on short weekend/turnaround trips. It does rekindle our fire and reminds us why we have loved and adored each over the last 20 years. Our girls like to see us have a good time enjoying each others company without them (however the questions do follow once we return) every once and a while. It is healthy for any marriage to get that alone time without the kids. Once again KUDOS Tiya……
Tiya says
Thank you Jaye!!! I hope you and Keesha have a wonderful vacation!
Tiya says
Thank you Jaye!!! I hope you and Keesha have a wonderful vacation!
Jaye Beasley says
EXCELLENT piece of writing Tiya, I truly believe this is essential to a marriage and we as parents don’t get a chance to do this enough. Keesha and I are going on vacation next month, the first real vacation without the girls in (let’s just say) a long time. We have vacationed with the kids alot and only get away with each other on short weekend/turnaround trips. It does rekindle our fire and reminds us why we have loved and adored each over the last 20 years. Our girls like to see us have a good time enjoying each others company without them (however the questions do follow once we return) every once and a while. It is healthy for any marriage to get that alone time without the kids. Once again KUDOS Tiya……
Keesha B. says
TIYA!! I love the kids….LORD KNOWS I DO, but, as hard as it is to leave them, IT’S A MUST!! It’s so funny how you can just instantly snap back to the giddy daters you once were..lol.. I love, love, love it. Now, let’s talk about how long away is too long…:)
Tiya says
True. Honestly, I do feel guilty if we’re gone too long. Can’t do more than 5 days.
Keesha B. says
TIYA!! I love the kids….LORD KNOWS I DO, but, as hard as it is to leave them, IT’S A MUST!! It’s so funny how you can just instantly snap back to the giddy daters you once were..lol.. I love, love, love it. Now, let’s talk about how long away is too long…:)
Tom and Mary Clare Mulhall says
We agree with you 100% Tiya. Couples need to reconnect from time to time and remember why they initially fell in love. Life is so stressful, if you don’t stop to enjoy it as husband and wife instead of mommy and daddy sometimes, it is too easy to drift apart.
We believe so strongly in child free vacations, that we we started a romantic clothing optional inn in Palm Springs, CA 16 years ago called Terra Cotta Inn. It’s couples only and it has been a major success. Because not only do you not want to have to listen to your kids saying mommy/daddy all day long, but who wants to listen to someone else’s unruly kids on your vacation.
Tiya says
Yes, Yes, Yes! We have done adult-only resorts and have loved them. If I have left mine at home, no offense, but I don’t want to see anyone else’s. lol.
Tom and Mary Clare Mulhall says
We agree with you 100% Tiya. Couples need to reconnect from time to time and remember why they initially fell in love. Life is so stressful, if you don’t stop to enjoy it as husband and wife instead of mommy and daddy sometimes, it is too easy to drift apart.
We believe so strongly in child free vacations, that we we started a romantic clothing optional inn in Palm Springs, CA 16 years ago called Terra Cotta Inn. It’s couples only and it has been a major success. Because not only do you not want to have to listen to your kids saying mommy/daddy all day long, but who wants to listen to someone else’s unruly kids on your vacation.
mello says
I agree with taking a vacation without the kids,it allows some couples to reconncet and fall in love all .over again.
Tiya says
Absolutely!
Tiya says
Absolutely!
mello says
I agree with taking a vacation without the kids,it allows some couples to reconncet and fall in love all .over again.
Brandiatregre says
Although I have no kids, I feel it’s totally normal to vacation without them. Why? My parents did it for YEARS and I turned out perfectly well adjusted. It served as a model of how they kept their marriage fresh and new, as well as gave me the freedom to do exactly the same. It’s funny how just a few moments away from the craziness of life and bring you back to reality. 🙂
Brandiatregre says
Although I have no kids, I feel it’s totally normal to vacation without them. Why? My parents did it for YEARS and I turned out perfectly well adjusted. It served as a model of how they kept their marriage fresh and new, as well as gave me the freedom to do exactly the same. It’s funny how just a few moments away from the craziness of life and bring you back to reality. 🙂
The Travelin Diva says
Thanks Tiya! Great artice. I also firmly believe that you need quality time with your spouse without the little ones. Our parents had the whole summer cause we were sent to Grandmas’in NC….LOL