Unfortunately, there is usually so much room for error and misinterpretation with relationship communication. Half listening, talking while the other partner is speaking, making up our own false conclusions, and misinterpreting the words our partners say, are just a few of those bad communication behaviors we need to remove.
We constantly say it’s the most important aspect of any committed partnership, yet so many couples still struggle with actually getting it right. The reason most couples get it wrong is because their definitions of effective communication isn’t all that effective. What they think it should be, isn’t what it is. Some think it’s only about discussing what’s bothering you. We tend to forget that listening, validation and acknowledging are also key parts of a successful relationship dialogue. Being satisfied with simply sharing your woes won’t work for a marriage whose goal is love, joy and peace.
Once a set of relationship goals are established, couples must put forth every effort to achieve them. Love success is within our reach. It just first begins with how we talk to one another. I am really big on sharing your truth with a delivery that’s loving and thoughtful. Especially when you are discussing a particularly heated topic. Controlling your tongue and expressing yourself clearly are both great beginnings and the most easiest to get a handle on.
In addition, there is one more key ingredient to successful love communication and that is, sharing your why.
Even when we are being vulnerable and sharing what’s hurting us, it’s also important to discuss the why. If our spouse’s were provided a little more insight into our world and understand all those little triggers we carry with us, we’d notice an improvement.
The majority of our frustration comes from us feeling as though our mates just don’t get us. We come to the conclusion that they are either insensitive or we just simply don’t matter enough to them. However, if they knew our why, more often, we’d definitely have better outcomes. Why certain topics are emotional for us, why a behavior causes us to respond negatively and why we struggle in certain situations, are all useful pieces of information our mate should know.
Sharing the “why” during communication with your partner, will assist you in arriving at a solution much quicker and help your spouse better understand you and the reason you’re reacting the way you are. Misinterpretations and poor communication are less likely whenever there is clarity around the “why”.
BMWK, how often do you share your “why” when communicating with your spouse?