Rachael and Ainsley are our spotlight couple this week, both born and raised in Jamaica, currently residing in Maryland. This couple shares with us their experience getting married as a young couple, learning how to raise their kids in a completely different culture than what they’re accustomed to, managing busy professional careers, and the things that have helped keep their marriage strong thirteen years and two kids later.
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What first attracted you to each other and at what point did you know you wanted to spend your lives together?
Rachael: The first day I saw Ainsley I got a little jolt — some would say “love at first sight.” I knew pretty early in our relationship that he would be the person I would marry. Ainsley has a really calm personality. There’s something about his spirit that’s really hard to articulate. He’s just one of those special and unique people God put on this earth. It also helped that my family loved him!
Ainsley: I was first attracted of course to her physical beauty. But Rachael has so much more than that. She has a keen sense of humor and can light up an entire room. She’s also very intelligent, which is one of her major attractions. I first knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her long before we got married when she was pursuing undergraduate studies in the U.S. and I was still in Jamaica. It was as though every moment I was awake, my every thought was about her and how we could actually be together.
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Rachael: Raising a family with no family support is difficult. Sometimes it even feels impossible. We have no support with childcare or any emergencies that may come up with the kids. Like many working families we’ve had our own trials and tribulations with childcare, and those are the times I feel the impact of not having a supportive family nearby.
We grew up in a culture and a time in Jamaica when families had huge networks of support (the whole “it takes a village to raise a child” philosophy). Our parents had multiple neighbors and close friends that they could depend on to support them in their parenting journey. We definitely don’t have the same situation here.
Ainsley: There are many cultural differences, but the fact that we are both from Jamaica really helps. We understand each other, speak the same dialect and laugh at jokes that only a Jamaican would get. We are definitely concerned about being able to impart similar values to our children that we had the benefit of growing up with. We would like our children to have a sound appreciation for life, people, and things and not take anything for granted. One of the ways we decided would certainly help in this regard is to have our children exposed to more than just their immediate environment by making it a high priority to travel at least on an annual basis.
Ainsley: I will admit, it does seem challenging at times. But because we want to be able to provide the best for each other and our children, we make it happen. I am fortunate in the sense that the nature of what I do allows me to not think too much about work when I leave the job. Keeping in mind what really matters makes prioritizing easy.
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You were married for a long time before you had kids. How did that decision impact your marriage?
Rachael: I’m really happy we spent almost nine years getting a chance to solidify our marriage before having kids. I was twenty-two when I got married, and prior to getting married, we were in a long distance relationship. We were also both in graduate school when we got married. I was doing my Masters in Urban Planning and Ainsley was pursuing his PhD. in Chemistry. So I’m not sure we would have survived if we had kids in our first three years of marriage.
By the time we had our kids we knew each other so well and figured out how not to sweat the small stuff we don’t particularly love about each other — we probably have stronger coping mechanisms. Overall, waiting as long as we did has made us an amazing parenting team. So far we’re always on the same page when it comes to the kids and how we manage our home.
Ainsley: I think we have a stronger union today because of it. We had enough time to work on figuring out each other before having children. Because we had so much time to ourselves we traveled, stayed out late and did many of the things that would be much harder to do now that we have children. There are no real regrets because we basically have “been there and done that.”
What kind of challenges do you think you might be faced with in raising your children in the U.S. versus in Jamaica?
Rachael: We think holidays will probably be the hardest for our kids because the way we celebrate Christmas and Easter for instance is not necessarily the way most Americans celebrate those holidays. So my kids won’t be writing letters to Santa Claus, and they won’t be taking pictures with the Easter Bunny. We also don’t celebrate Thanksgiving — I can’t even cook a turkey and I have no interest in learning. So I’m sure they’ll resent us for this at some point, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Ainsley: Not having many family members close by to provide a stable grounding in family is somewhat unknown territory for us. Fortunately over the years in this area we have a great supportive network of friends who are a lot like family.
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Rachael: I think every couple should really celebrate their wedding anniversary. Our anniversary is typically more important to us than even our birthdays. We don exchange gifts but we always take a trip somewhere and reflect on the milestones of our marriage. You should always find a way to celebrate the accomplishments you’ve experienced in your marriage.
Ainsley: Stay committed and remember that “…the greatest of these is love”…1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV
BMWK — Be sure to leave your comments of love and encouragement for Rachael and Ainsley below. What did you enjoy reading in this couples spotlight interview?