I never really gave the thought of withholding kissing ‘til my wedding day until I began to read and hear numbers of testimonies of couples who’ve done just that. For some, kissing is a physical and intimate act that leads minds to wander to places they shouldn’t as a single. For others, kissing leads to more physical expressions of intimacy, which again is not appropriate in a Christian courting context. So, are you willing to cut off kissing ‘til marriage if it causes you to sin while you’re single or dating?
It sounds very extreme to cut off something like kissing, but Jesus says something a bit radical as well in Matthew 18:7-9 (NIV): “If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.”
It’s radical because the concept of cutting off your limbs because they help you sin is kinda gruesome and perhaps hard to follow through. The Lord was not saying this to be mean or extreme, He was saying that your life is more valuable than to just get caught up in the ways of this world and lose it forever. It’s worth the sacrifice of things that bring you temporal pleasure now, for a lasting and more satisfying reward in the future. Let’s think of this advice from Jesus in a figurative concept, since there are many things that we touch, entertain, and put our eyes on that can very well be cut off without physically maiming us.
In dating for instance, every individual going into their dating season shouldn’t do so unprepared and unaware of self. The reason is because the enemy wants to do everything possible to get you off focus and walk right into sin. Some examples of temptation triggers could be whatever pleases your senses: nice voice, physical features that are pleasing to the eye, personal and physical touch (shoulder rubs, leg touching), seductive fragrances, and considerably many more.
Now don’t get me wrong, attraction is important in a relationship, but it’s not supposed to be the driving factor. If you want to date or court someone who you believe is your future spouse, there are going to have to be some special precautions made to protect the sanctity of that. Imagine if all of your dating history has not been all that successful. You may have some resentment or even regrets about being intimate too soon, giving into temptation to treat that person like a spouse without the real commitment of marriage.
Now you desire a new outcome in your dating cycle—marriage, for real this time, and you’ve told God that you want to be ready for marriage. Well, He’s just as excited as you are and in this process you will be tested. God sees our hearts, minds, spirits and intentions when we ask Him for life-changing blessings like marriage. He may see your desire to get married, but maybe if He sent you that future spouse now, you’d compromise your standards because the triggers were not identified and cut off.
Read about dating sins on the next page —->
Now what are dating sins? Lusting after this person, having sex before marriage, idolizing marriage, idolizing a person, putting God on the back-burner are just some examples of dating sins, and possibly marriage sins. You have to take some personal inventory and ask God in prayer to help you identify what triggers you to sin in your dating season. Going back on my own relationships, I realized that being alone with my date or boyfriend was a trigger for me to want to pursue physical intimacy with them. This means that if I want what God has for me, I have to respect myself and that person by establishing and keeping the proper boundaries, cutting the temptation off where it is.
If some of you have similar accounts, I can give a practical example. Instead of going to each other’s homes, keep your dates public. It’s also recommended to go out in groups or double date. Go out on more day-time dates, so you don’t feel those “Baby, it’s cold outside” feelings and invite temptation into your home. Sure, they may be the most respectful and sanctified person you’ve ever dated, but they are still human with human needs. Don’t encourage your date to sin when they are trying to keep it right with God; know your triggers.
In essence, whatever God has convicted you about in your past should be taken into consideration regarding your future. I’m talking about conviction and not condemnation (which again is a lie from the enemy). We are redeemed and forgiven even if we fall down over and over. If you know you’re sinning in dating though, beware of the consequences. Also remember that God always provides a way of escape from temptation; the Spirit within you is stronger than your hormones and feelings. We as singles have to develop our discipline and self-control because we’re going to need them for other aspects in life outside of marriage. If a successful marriage is something you want, you have to be willing to sacrifice those desires to do what you want to do and put into practice the right things to do.
BMWK: What are your personal temptation triggers? What causes you to sin in dating? If you don’t have an answer for these questions, take the time to do so before you start dating.