There’s a saying that “in every life a little rain must fall.” The same is true for a marriage. Those of us married or in a committed relationship should have no trouble admitting there are challenging periods. During those struggles, instead of simply suffering, decisions have to be made and actions should be taken that greatly impact the health of the relationship.
During my experience writing, participating in relationship conversations, and coaching, I’ve encountered countless women who have admitted to consistently making those decisions that aim to save their partnerships, with little assistance from their mates. I know this doesn’t represent the majority of our marriages, but in my opinion it’s still far too many. There have been women who wonder if the men in their lives are as interested as they are in maintaining a healthy connection.
I reflect back on a time in my coaching practice where there seemed to be a growth spurt of clients whose partnership with me was created by the husband. At that time I was extremely impressed by their proactive approach and desire to do what they felt necessary, not only to please their wives, but to heal their unions. My excitement to their wanting to work with me was based on the rarity of this situation. Prior to that, the majority of my clients were women. I listened to these women describe what they needed and how their husbands hadn’t stepped up to the plate. Although I had only heard one side to the story, it was the only one willing to be told. I needed husbands and boyfriends to also see the value in taking this powerful initiative. As our marriages and relationships are being highlighted more frequently, I am encouraged by the change I am beginning to see take place.
One of the reasons I love the work being done here at BMWK is witnessing men coming out in droves to view the documentaries and discuss black love. They are also commenting on the articles here and even honoring their wives on the Happily Ever After Facebook page. Because they are now being bold in their marriages, I am expecting even more men to seek the necessary guidance and be willing and active participants in overcoming marriage struggles. Finding resources and professionals when the going gets rough is a great place to start. Men aren’t often open to sharing in these types of settings, so it’s important for wives to create a safe place for husbands to open up. Anyone would feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts in an environment where there is little judgment and mainly focused on solutions. My challenge to all the male halves of the relationship is to not be afraid to bare all for the sake of this partnership. They must be fully present in the pleasant times as well as during the struggle.
With all of that being said, I am still very confident that although it may seem more women have taken the lead in working out the kinks, husbands will continue to step up and share in the desire to heal their relationships.
BMWK, what do you think? Do women typically work harder at keeping a relationship alive than men? If so, how can we change this?