No one ever told me how to be a wife. Of course I read a few books leading up to the wedding, and we attended marriage counseling, but how to actually BE a wife was never discussed. Obviously, I was encouraged to be supportive, willing to compromise, etc. But how do you BE a wife? I’ve been married for 5 months, and I believe the first 2 months I wondered if I was doing this whole wife thing the right way. I had an idea of how I wanted to be, which resembled a modern day Claire Huxtable. I wanted to have an everlasting romance with my husband, be a super mommy, and have a thriving career while managing to keep a tidy home and look fabulous. My motives were pure, but when I observed myself, I was failing, miserably.
To be honest, I was struggling with finding a balance for my husband and friends, which resulted in me being a terrible friend. I was also trying to find a new norm between my parents and myself. For years I’d been there single daughter, and now at 30, I was a married WOMAN. That transition still isn’t easy. And of course I’d wonder if I was doing enough to contribute to our household, being supportive enough, etc. I spent so much time wondering if I was doing things wrong all the time, I failed to notice the actual times I got it right. However, all of that changed after my husband prayed this prayer for me a few weeks ago:
Lord, I thank you for my wife. I thank you for the growth I’ve seen in her as she takes on the role of being a wife. Continue to make her the wife you want her to be. Amen.
I’m sure he said more than that, but for some reason that particular part stood out the most to me. Why? He said I’d grown. Really?!?! I wasn’t able to see it prior to his prayer, but everything became more clear afterwards. He lovingly told me how he noticed I was becoming more patient and was steady growing as a wife. I couldn’t believe it, as I smiled to myself. Not only did my husbands prayer encourage me, but it made me want to be even BETTER, for God and my husband.
What am I saying? For ME, it did wonders to verbally hear my husband acknowledge my growth. All this time I thought my love language was receiving gifts (and it still is), however, I’m learning the true power of words of affirmation. Also, what comes from the heart, goes to the heart. My husband was genuine in this prayer. If he was being passive aggressive, the outcome wouldn’t have been pretty at all. I feel the need to clarify, because God forbid someone reading this post chooses prayer as the perfect time to highlight what their spouse needs to grow in. God forbid. However, now is the perfect time to tell your spouse what they’re doing right and acknowledge their growth. Go ahead. They’re waiting.
BMWK, does your spouse pray over you? Do you pray with your spouse?