Is there such a thing as being “Happily Married?” Yes my friends; this is the question that was posed to me on Twitter recently and while I was taken back by it, after I gave it some serious thought I realized that there is a fundamental disconnect that might need to be addressed. Many times I feel like there is this consistent battle that never ends between married people and single people about who is happier, but I recently had an epiphany! I believe that the battle won’t end because single people and married people are fighting with different forms of ammunition. Follow me on this one and see me all the way through…
Different things make different people happy. As we progress through life our definitions of happiness will change and those things that contribute to our happiness will change. With that being said, sometimes there is a difference between being “happily single” and being “happily married.” Some might say well happiness is happiness regardless of your relationship status isn’t it? I say to them…not so fast young grasshopper!
Being happily single means that you have learned to find enjoyment in being by yourself. You are embracing that point in your life when you aren’t tied to anyone and you can have deep self-reflection and exploration. You are free, you can date different people, you can party, you can travel, and you can enjoy more social events without having to take anyone else into consideration. There is nothing wrong with that and it can be some of the best years of a person’s life. At this point in life you are content with not having to be with someone, but at the same time you are finding happiness in the things that come with that freedom.
As you grow and when you meet that right person and you decide that you want to start building a family and, you embark on the journey of a more interdependent relationship then many times the things that will make you happy will change. Now all of a sudden maybe a night in with your significant other makes you happier than checking out the latest night club. Maybe going to the park with your kids now makes you happier than going to the NFL football game with your boys. Maybe a trip to Disneyland with your family makes you happier than traveling to the Essence Music Festival with your girls. These things don’t suddenly make your life boring or uneventful; it just means that your happiness is now growing from a place that’s rooted in different priorities.
Many times as a single person you might look at a married person’s life and think that it’s a boring life and one that you would never want to live, not understanding that maybe the married people have just made a transition and maybe some of the things that you view as not “happy” actually make them happy. As for married people you can’t condemn single people for the things they choose to do because for them at that point in their lives maybe it’s what makes them happy. My point is that single people and married people don’t have to be at war with one another to prove who is happier; we all must just understand that that what makes one person’s definition of happiness at a particular time might be different from another person’s. There are pluses and minuses to being both single and being married, but the name of the game is sacrifice and priorities. What we can’t continue to do is get married because we want the love, companionship, and family, but then want to still behave like we’re single because we want the freedom and less responsibility. With that said just be honest with yourself about where you are in life and understand that what makes you happy today might not be what makes you happy in the next five years.
So the original question was: Is there such a thing as being happily married? My answer to that is simple; YES, but there is also such a thing as being Happily Single too!
BMWK — Get involved in the conversation: What makes was the difference in what made you happy when you were single vs. when you became involved in a relationship or marriage?