Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I have been married 33 years. My husband says he no longer loves me and is very adamant about it. He has cheated in the relationship a number of times. I’m a Christian and have asked him about counseling and he refuses. I am at my wits end. I am considering divorce. Should I Remain Married Although My Husband Rejects Me? Do you have any advice for lonely and hurting wife in a loveless marriage?
Sincerely,
Lonely Wife
Dear Lonely Wife,
I hate to be so blunt with you considering that you are in pain. However, it is important that I remind you that love cannot live where is love is not wanted. This is difficult for me to say this to you, especially knowing that you have spent 33 years of your life with your husband. I would have responded differently if you would have reported that your husband stated that he does not love you, but he is willing to work on it. I am concerned about your willingness to remain with your husband through infidelity and blunt rejection.
Love cannot live where is love is not wanted.
You stated that you are a Christian and did the Godly thing by asking your husband to attend counseling. This is commendable and you should feel good about fighting for your marriage. While fighting for your marriage is important, please keep in mind that your self-worth, self-esteem, identity and dignity should never be comprised to please your husband. Believe it or not, you make it easy for him to reject you because you reject yourself.
If you are at your wits end, then maybe you should consider ending your marriage. If you question yourself over and over again about why you remain, then you probably should go. If your marriage is consuming you mentally and emotionally and causes you to feel unlovable then you should move on.
As a Christian like you, I believe that God can work things out. However, I also believe that faith without works is dead. I rarely recommend that people walk away from their marriage. However, when one person does not care to try at all it is impossible to save a damaged relationship. Your husband does not want to do his part to work things out so you need to move on.
Sometimes we see signs that tell what we need to do, but we ignore them because they are not signs that we want to see. No matter how spiritual you may be, you cannot create a healthy marriage all by yourself. Finally, seek professional help and spend more time focusing on making you better.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.