by Jasmine Wallace
I’ve noticed that our community has a habit of placing its men and women on pedestals, which can be both a good and bad thing at times. It’s common to hear our women being referred to as queens, and our men as kings. And there are often great tales told about our royal ancestry and the inherent regal qualities that each and every one of us possesses. However, I also see an emerging danger in this cultural practice.
Inadvertently, having placed our men and women on pedestals, we’ve also unconsciously set standards for them that may be much higher than normal. These “high” standards may also be the reason we are so critical of our men and women who fall evenly slightly below the “winner” mark. And for those individuals who exceed our standards, seeing as though anything placed on pedestals are perceived as a trophies, you began to see an emergence of a select group of people who take on an elite, entitlement type of attitude (not all, but some). Why do we do this?
Perhaps you don’t see it that way. Well, I have a few examples for you… Let’s start with the ideal “good” woman. In our community a “good” woman can cook, clean, is a lady in the streets and freak in the bed, she can hold her own, take care of the kids, is smart, is attractive and is ride or die (which means that no matter what her man says or does, she is willing to follow his lead).
And let’s not forget about our ideal “good” man; he is tough, has swag, is both a thug and a church boy, he is expected to be book smart and street smart, is handsome, has ample cash flow and is a protector of his women.
Now in either case, that of a good black man or women, both are expected to have most of these qualities; or they are either said to have fallen short of the woman/manhood bar, or are stereotyped for thinking they are all that. And if you are in direct violation of something on the list (“he doesn’t have enough swag” or “she not holding me down”), you are removed from the pedestal and cast off completely; thus the idea of a scrubb, gold digger, hoe, dog, etc.
With such high standards, might this be part of the reason our men and women can’t find “good” men and women. I mean, can you really find someone to meet all those abnormal standards? I refer to our standards as abnormal because they deviate from the average standards which have been set by most cultures (be they black or white or whatever). Terms like loyal, honest, trustworthy and good communicators are within the realm of the basic qualifications that must be met for normal standard of a “good” man or woman. Please do not read this post as a bash on having standards ( I often criticize myself for this very thing), I am the #1 Fan of standards being not only set, but upheld. Standards are set up and established as a rule for the measure of value and/or quality, and they are essential. This is intended to start a real conversation on our communities perception of “good” black men and women.
BMWK – how would you define a “good” black man or woman? Do you think we are guilty of setting unrealistic standards?
Born and raised in Atlanta GA, Jasmine Wallace is a writer and publishing professional. She prides herself on constantly striving to be the change she wants to see in the world. Her mission is to ask questions that help people discover truths about themselves, which impels them to find their ultimate happiness. Jasmine Wallace is the co-founder of EndtheDisconnect. You can follow Jasmine by logging on to www.endthedisconnect.com