One year ago I said yes to the love of my life, but now 1 year later I’m saying no. Ok, ok, ok before you start saying “I told you so” or “I knew this marriage thing wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be” you need to know that I’m not saying no to my wife or my marriage…I’m saying no to a few other things. If you want to find out more about what those things are then come follow me!
First and foremost I have a confession to make. My confession is that I get scared! Ok there I admit it…as a young husband sometimes I get scared. Although becoming a man and growing into the role as a husband can be your sweetest dream ever, it can also be your biggest nightmare and sometimes I just want to crawl in the bed with my Mother and have her tell me it will be okay. When you become a husband and the head of a household, it comes with a lot of responsibility and accountability. I vowed and made a covenant under God that I would love, cherish, protect, and provide for my wife until death do us part and I don’t know about you but that’s a lot of promises!
I would be lying if I said that sometimes the thought of “what if I fail” doesn’t cross my mind. What if I get laid off and I don’t have the means to take care of her? What if someone puts her in harm’s way and I can’t protect her? What if I can’t figure out how to make the grass grow in our new yard and what if I can’t fix her car when it breaks down? Sometimes I have these thoughts and I want to run, but then I look myself in the mirror and I say “NO.” I say “NO” to the possibility of ever leaving because of fear and instead I embrace every challenge and continue to grow.
I have another confession to make. Sometimes I have trouble balancing it all. Many times as men we let our fear of failure push us to overcompensate by trying to guarantee success by working…then working…then working some more. We subconsciously think and assume that she understands because she must just know that all this working I’m doing is for “us”, our family, and our future. What we fail to realize though is that even though she is proud of us as her protector and provider she still desires her man, her friend, and her companion. She is cool with you working, but she still wants you to work her. She is fine with you looking at your computer and noticing that scratch on the screen, but she isn’t fine with you not noticing that she changed her hair or that she is wearing a new dress. Sometimes I find myself more tuned into my business station than my husband station not realizing I need to get back on her airwaves. With that said, 1 year in, I’m saying “NO!” I’m saying NO to not understanding how to balance work and wife. I’m saying NO to making my wife feel neglected just so that I can subconsciously stroke my own ego through working hard because it makes me feel more validated as a man. I say NO!
Okay one final confession and I will stop snitching on myself. My final confession is that I LOVE MY WIFE and I love this marriage thing so far! From the first time I met her almost 10 years ago I just knew I was going to marry her because everything about her and us was so right. In fact the first words I ever said to her were “so when are we getting married” (that’s a true story). I love her beautiful spirit, I love her smile, I love her natural hair, I love her beauty and her brains. I love the fact that she is corny but still cute while doing it, I love the fact that she is naturally clumsy and will trip over her own feet, but if you gave her something to present in front of a CEO she wouldn’t miss a step. I love the fact that she is a feminist because it makes for some great dinner time debates and conversation. Bottom line is that I love everything about her, including her imperfections. The thing I love most about her though is her selflessness and the fact that she respects and supports me as her husband. She allows me to be her King because I treat her like my Queen and I will never say “NO” to that!
One year ago I said “YES” and now one year later I’m saying “NO” to anything that stops me from being a good husband. I say “NO” to any ego trip or outside opinion that stops me from building my family and embracing the fact that this marriage is bigger than me. Everything in our marriage won’t always be perfect, but I am sure it will always be worth it! These are the tales of a young man and new husband and I hope you enjoyed them! Stay tuned because who knows what I will be saying next year!
BMWK – Get involved in the conversation. What are some of the challenges that you think husbands face in their marriages?