Dear Dr. Buckingham,
My husband and I went on a trip so that we could enjoy each other and spend some quality time together. He asked me to look at something on his cell phone while he was holding it. I noticed that he could not hold the phone steady. As I looked up, I noticed that he was not looking at the phone.
I saw him looking at a woman. When I asked what he was doing, he told me that he was looking at her tattoo on her foot. I felt that he lied to me. Mind you that she was light skinned and had a nice shape…his type of woman. I am dark skinned and slim/small. My Husband Likes Shapely Women…Should I be Concerned?
Concerned Wife,
Dear Concerned Wife,
I am sorry to hear about your husband’s disrespectful behavior, but I am wondering why you married a man who is attracted to women who are shapely. What was your marriage built on? While physical attraction should not be the foundation, it is an important building block.
Some men might prefer a certain kind of woman, but need another kind.
For example, I preferred to marry a woman who was very attractive, but needed to marry a woman who was spiritually grounded. The latter was more important to me. I share this because some men do not know how to distinguish preferences from needs.
- If your husband has a tendency to focus more on external attributes than he does on internal attributes, yes you should be concerned.
- If he thinks with his little head more than he thinks with his big head, yes you should be concerned.
- If your husband does not appreciate what you have to offer, yes you should be concerned.
However, regardless of what happens between you and your husband, remember that your worth is not determined by your physical appearance.
If your husband likes shapely women, he needs to figure out what he needs to do. Give what you can in your marriage, but do not stress about being someone that you are not. My favorite saying,
Love me for me, not who you want me to be.
In order to gain a peace of mind, I highly recommend that you discuss your concerns with your husband. It is important to gain an understanding and address any potential problems now. Also, you have to decide if you can live with the fact that your husband might look at shapely women. For some women, looking is okay as long as their man does not act.
Each woman has a different view and tolerance level. Seek professional guidance if you feel insecure or experience distress about your marital situation. If you do nothing else, please demand respect and let your husband know that cheating in any form is not acceptable.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.