Church is thought to be a safe place. A place of learning, peace and spiritual guidance. However, is it a safe place to talk about your marriage challenges?
Churches nowadays have specific ministries for married people.
There are ministries set up specifically to meet the needs of husbands and wives. They usually offer monthly or quarterly marriage workshops and various events geared to strengthening the marital relationship. In these workshops, there is often a time for question and answer. Is that a safe place to talk about your marriage challenges? This depends on three things:
- Is the setting a safe haven for couples? Meaning, what is discussed in the meeting stays in the meeting and won’t become church gossip.
- Is your mate in agreement with seeking personal marriage advice in such an open setting?
- Is the ministry leader equipped to handle your challenge?
These three questions may not matter to you. You may be in such a position that you don’t care as long as somebody is able to offer help.
However, if couples’ ministry meetings don’t feel safe, seek more private one-on-one help within the church.
Perhaps your pastor or the assistant can meet with you privately. If you are in a church where you are learning and growing and you trust the leadership, you should be able to find help within your church. If you are afraid of being embarrassed; that is a totally different thing. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. Every marriage needs a mediator at some point.
So what if people talk?
Think about it this way. Would you rather them talk about you getting the help you need or talk about your divorce?
When my husband and I were four years into our marriage, we needed help. We sought help from an experienced wise couple within the church. We were told that this couple helped other couples, and we went seeking answers. We meet once a week for more than a year. And it didn’t matter who knew. We were getting the support we needed. We didn’t care if others knew or if they talked.
Your pastor can only help if he knows there is a problem. Ask for the help you need.
When folks come to church dressed up in fake smiles that hide broken hearts, it may not be apparent there is a challenge. Your church can be a place of great support, if given the opportunity.
Whether it’s your pastor, a ministry or a fellow couple, your church can and should be a safe haven to seek help with your problems. It should be a safe place to talk about your marriage challenges and receive sound biblical help.
BMWK, let us know how your church has helped your marriage?