Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I am a single woman who has spent the majority of my life trying to please everyone. I grew up in a household where love was only expressed if certain conditions were met. Now, I find myself placing conditions on the men that I date. In order for me to express love, they have to meet certain conditions. I exploit men emotionally, physically, financially and sexually to get what I need. I do not like my behavior, but I do not know how to love unconditionally. Is it possible to love conditionally?
Sincerely Ms. Conditions,
Dear Ms. Conditions,
Many people do not think that unconditional love is possible, but that is because they do not associate it with a Higher Power. Unconditional love is not just about acceptance; it also has a forgiving and nonjudgmental component. God not only accepts us as we are, with our imperfections and all. He also forgives us and allows us to redeem ourselves after we engage in inappropriate behavior. He does not withdraw or limit His love. This is the basis of unconditional love.
Unconditional love sees no limits, feels no limits and accepts no limits. If you believe in unconditional love and work to develop it in your relationships, you will reap the benefits.
To answer your question, “Is it possible to love unconditionally?” Yes, it is possible to love unconditionally. Your heart can be conditioned to do whatever you want it to do. Your heart can and will go wherever you direct it. Unconditional love sees no limits, feels no limits and accepts no limits. If you believe in unconditional love and work to develop it in your relationships, you will reap the benefits. If you want to love unconditionally, direct your heart toward God and reap the benefits of loving without limits.
The heart of God and the gospel of Christ is love. Love is compassion, grace, sacrifice, and mercy. Yes, compassion, sacrifice, and mercy! Sometimes you have to be willing to give up someone or something you love to demonstrate compassion for others. God sacrificed His only begotten Son to show us how much He loves us. He continues to show love for you, despite your wrongdoing. Loving others, like God loves you, can be difficult, but giving and receiving unconditional love is impossible until you learn to love as He loves. It is easy to fall victim to loving others based on conditions. However, I am delighted that God does not love us based on conditions because we have all fallen short of His glory.
God loves us so much that He allows us to do as we please. He does not force His love on us or remove it based on our actions. It is true that He has rules for His children and expects us to follow them. But He loves us without limit. He permits us to make mistakes and continues to love us even if He does not approve of our behavior. His compassion for us is immeasurable. He is merciful to those who wrong Him or disobey Him. He does not force us to change. Instead, He provides a firsthand lesson on how to love unconditionally.
He teaches us how to love daily and never forsakes us. His love is love without limits. If you desire to have healthy relationships and to love unconditionally – look toward God and He will direct your path.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.