This is PT I of a 2 Part exclusive interview that we had with wife, mother and reality star Jackie Christie. You can find the link for PT II at the end of this post.
BMWK: You’ve been married for almost 17 years. What are your secrets to longevity?
JC: I’d say communication, respect, and intimacy. I think a lot of relationships are lacking that intimacy part and not just the physical part but the part where you sit down and talk and really open up to each other. We’re writing a book about that called Sexual Relations: A His and Her Guide to Great Intimacy and that’s what we talk about, finding that greater intimacy that couples need to have to last.
BMWK: We talk a lot about the importance of still dating your spouse here on BMWK. We recently ran an article about how intimacy can begin by sharing household duties and chores.
JC: That’s so true. I don’t cook much but I’m starting to learn. And I’ve always been more of the person that goes out and runs all of the errands, but I’m starting to learn. Now Doug, he cooks. He loves cooking so that takes a lot of that pressure off of me. I don’t have to come back home after running errands and try to cook as well. He also home schools our son. When our kids were going to school I was worried with all of the things going on in the school system. So he home schooled our daughter and now he home schools our son and they have a wonderful relationship. Our son is in the top 3% in the nation as far as his education and we’re ecstatic about it.
I can’t wait to get on your website because if you really look a lot of women are worn out by the time they come to bed. Then they’re not able or in the mindset to want to be intimate with their partner. Then the partner may want to go outside to find someone who is willing to be intimate but that person may not have the same responsibilities. So she has a lot more energy and she’s ready to go when she gets the call.
BMWK: When will that book be available?
JC: It will be available in February right before Valentine’s Day.
BMWK: You were previously married. I’ve seen comments from some of our divorced readers who are preparing themselves for remarriage stating how they want to make sure their new marriages don’t fail. Is that something that was on your mind when you married Doug?
JC: Actually, I didn’t really feel that way but I got married and was always looking for the traditional family. The picket fence, the 50/50 lets work together and have a family type of thing. So I knew when that marriage didn’t work out that I’d find my Mr. Right and luckily I found that person in Doug.
Now he wasn’t ready to get married right away and as women I think we’re ready faster than men are sometimes because we’re born nurturers anyway. By nature we feel like we want to prepare and take care of, fix, love, that type of thing. I think men come into it when they’re ready but when they do they are wonderful partners and that’s what happened with Doug. So I didn’t really go into the fear part of it, but I was so busy working and taking care of not just my mom but my whole family so I really didn’t have a lot of time to think about it. So I wasn’t afraid but I knew that I’d find my Mr. Right, I just had to sit back and wait.
BMWK: Piggy backing on what you just were talking about. Black single women are beat up on so much in the media about having no hope when it comes to finding a husband. One of the things my wife Ronnie always talks about is that before we met she was busy working to make herself better so she didn’t have time to listen to anyone tell her that she had no hope of finding a husband.
JC: I would say that if you listen to the media you will feel like you don’t have any hope. It so sad….because all women especially African American women have just as much chance as anyone else does, you just have to set your mind to what are your expectations. Also a lot of women are settling nowadays. They are like I’m with my boyfriend and he’s doing this or doing that. There is so much of a lack of relationship stability, loyalty, commitment that they think they will accept whatever they are given and I don’t encourage that at all. Get yourself together. Like you said Ronnie was doing her own thing and living her life when it came to her. Don’t look for it… let it come to you.
I definitely think it’s important that the images that we put out there are important and positive so the generations that come behind us see that it’s possible. Doug and I weren’t supposed to make it. A lot of people would say he’s an athlete… they fool around. She’s a model, she’s been married before. They had all the chips stacked against us and we’re a walking example that there is love out there. It’s a beautiful thing and we’re living it everyday.
BMWK: Is there any stress in being a high profile couple? Do you feel the need to act a certain way or live up to a certain expectation that people have of you?
JC: There is a lot of pressure being in a high profile relationship but not when it comes to being in public. We are ourselves, what you see is what you get. If we’re happy that day we’re happy and if we’re not feeling good we’ll sit down and talk about it. We could be at lunch and if we’re in an intimate conversation, we’re in intimate conversation. Wherever it was Doug and I have always been the type to say lets deal with it right here right now. Nobody needs to have those feelings. We’re not promised tomorrow, we’re not promised an hour from now so let’s talk and comfort each other.
A lot of times that part doesn’t come into where people are paying attention or we think we have to be a certain way. I get a lot of emails and people say, you think he’s not fooling around but he is and that kind of stuff. It’s unfortunate so I’ll reply, sorry that you feel that way or I won’t reply. We don’t get involved in that. So you’re at target and people don’t want to see you happy. It’s a sad thing.
BMWK: I’ve seen that the more you want to promote positive marriages or that you’re happy in your relationship people want to tear you down for no real reason.
JC: That’s right. So what we decided is that we’re going to live our lives and hopefully time will change people. It will show them that you can have the same thing. We’re not flaunting or taunting you with it. We’re just saying this is our life, this is how we live it and we hope and pray that you get the same thing.
That’s why we offer all of the advice. People can write us they can call us whatever and if we can help we’re going to help because we believe in the sanctity of marriage and relationships. If you’re going to be in it be in it. There is strength in numbers.
BMWK Family – We hope you enjoyed the first part of our interview with Jackie. We want to thank her for giving us a glimpse inside of her life and marriage. Check out part two of the interview as we will discuss more about her marriage and her role on BBW LA.
Why do think that people want to tear you down when they see that you are happy? As we have stated on the site, Marriage is Not One Size Fits All…..you have to do what’s best for your marriage.