I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t make compromises in my marriage. I find it hard to believe that any marriage can last without compromises. When you commit to spending the rest of your life with another person, doing what you can to manage differences is inevitable. For things to work, there has to be a mutual decision to meet halfway at times.
But for me, meeting halfway never means changing something that makes me who I am. I’m not willing to do that. But sadly, I see women do it time and time again. Some women slowly relinquish their power, giving their man the right to make choices she should be making on her own. It makes me sad.
Although I am willing to change, I am not willing to change certain things just because someone else thinks I have to—even if that someone is my husband. There are some things I won’t change for anyone but myself. I would like to believe this attitude is one of the reasons my husband chose to marry me.
We can love our men, respect them, honor them and even make compromises in our relationships without sacrificing who we are and what we want in life.
Here are 5 things I think a woman should never change for her man.
1. Her size
I am so sick of men thinking they can tell their woman what size she needs to be. A man’s reason for being with you should be a lot deeper than what size dress you wear. If your man has you feeling bad about your body for any reason, tell him to go take a seat. Losing or gaining weight is a personal decision, and you have to do it in your own time, without pressure from anyone else.
If you were perfectly happy with your size before you met him, please don’t let your man make you feel like you have to change to win his affection. And if your body changed after having kids and your man has something to say, tell him to holla at you after he carries and gives birth to a few kids.
2. Her career aspirations
You should never change what you’re passionate about doing because your man has an issue with it. Stay true to what you want to do with your life. Years from now, do you want to look back and feel resentful because you allowed your man to make you give up on your dreams? Get clear on the kind of work you want to do, and pursue it with all your heart, whether your man is okay with it or not. He doesn’t have to agree with everything you do, but your husband should be the one who loves you enough to respect your passions and support you.
3. Her feelings about having kids
When a woman decides that she either wants to have kids or she doesn’t, no one should try to persuade her to do otherwise. Having children is a very personally decision, and loving a man is not reason enough to change how you feel about that decision. A woman always has the right to change her mind; but if she does, it should be because she wants to, not because she was convinced to.
4. The bond she has with God
Let us all always have the courage to stand strong in our faith. Your bond with your Maker is deeply personal, and there isn’t a single person in your life who should have a say in what that looks like. No woman should ever compromise her connection with God for a single soul.
5. Her true friendships
I don’t think friendships should interfere with your ability to bond with your man. I also don’t think your man should have a say in who you’re friends with and what that friendship looks like. You should be able to be with the man you love while still maintaining the friendships that matter to you most. If you have a loyal friend who has been in your life for years, you can’t turn your back on her because your man doesn’t like her. That is shade at it’s best. Ultimately, you should be the one deciding what friendships are worth holding on to, not your man. And again, your man should be able to both honor and respect that.
BMWK ladies, what are you unwilling to change for your man?