Let me begin by saying that I am a full time pastor with close to 10 years in ministry; so my perspective of the things you will not hear in church comes from me spending the majority of my life listening to thousands of sermons.
In any sermon on marriage, you will hear the token things when it comes to sex. Sex is important for an healthy marriage; some ministers will even teach that Christian couples should be having better sex than those in the World. But, there are some sexual secrets you will rarely get from the pulpit. Here are my top 7:
1. Sex was made for pleasure just as much as it was made for procreation.
God created our bodies with great intelligence which means every function and capability comes with a purpose.
The indicator that God created sex for more than just procreation is the fact that both men and women’s bodies have the ability to climax into an orgasm. The orgasm experience is very healthy for both men and women.
The fact that it is much more challenging for a woman to attain an orgasm than a man shows God’s intelligent design. When men pay closer attention to their wives’ emotional needs, it results in a stronger connection and ultimately a better orgasmic experience.
2. Couples that schedule sex have the most sex.
Anything in life that matters whether it be work meetings, your kid’s sports games, or your doctor’s appointments all would be missed if its not written down on a schedule.
When you schedule something you are giving it value and respect. Yet many couples refuse to schedule sex.
Many will say that scheduling sex reduces the spontaneity.
However, when you schedule sex, schedule the minimum. This then leaves room for spontaneous nights…or mornings…or…
By scheduling sex in your relationship, you are setting an expectation for when you will engage one another intimately and this is a healthy lifeline for your marriage.
3. Great sex requires great foreplay.
There is no great sex without amazing foreplay.
Foreplay, such as the following, can actually begin before you get into the bedroom:
- Text messages
- Simple touches throughout the day
- Helping each other out with various tasks
All of these are examples of foreplay which increase longing and physical desire.
4. You should try to engage in at least 3 different positions.
Keep your sex life spicy by trying out different positions. Our dear friends gave us this amazing tip from their sex life: they engage in a minimum of 3 positions each time they are intimate and then afterwards have pillow talk about their time together. Wow!
5. The Only Limits Should be the Limits You Set
The question is always asked, “What is okay, and what is not okay in the bedroom?” The answer to that question is between you and your spouse. There isn’t a one size fits all for what you can and can’t do in your sex life. As long as you and your spouse both agree upon it and it brings you closer together then have fun!
Let me caution you, however, that as believers we must stay away from biblically offensive acts such as pornography or extra persons.
Oral sex, various positions, and whatever else you may question to try in your sex life should be discussed with your spouse to determine if its something you want to incorporate. Just remember that sex is about serving one another at the highest level, so enjoy one another no matter how you do it.
6. Be Creative to Eliminate Sex From Getting Mundane
Have fun with your sex life.
You’re going to have to get creative in order to keep or bring the spice. Rolling over and having sex is going to get boring after awhile.
Being creative can be a shared and rotated responsibility.
One night the wife might be in charge and the next her husband can flex his creative muscles.
7. Discuss Your Sexual Needs With Your Spouse
Communication is the key element for a great sex life. It is said that a great sex life is like wine; it gets better the older it gets.
You must be committed to making your sex life one of the best parts of your marriage. It will not happen automatically. Discuss your needs, what requires improvement, or how you can better serve each other.
These are all keys to remain focused on each other and no one else. In the end you will happier, healthier, and having more sex! But you won’t hear that in church!
BMWK, which secret above is your favorite? Let me know!