Marriage is not one size fits all. You have to do what’s right for you and your spouse!!
People often times get caught up in the way things should be based on several factors such as how they were raised, how the neighbors are living, what they are hearing at church, or what their families and friends think. And this is making their lives miserable!!
For example, your spouse is a stay at home dad/mom (more common than ever due to the recession). And this arrangement really works for your family. But instead of enjoying or appreciating the fact that your family is benefiting from having your spouse at home, you are letting your mama and your friends brainwash you into thinking that your spouse is lazy and should be doing more.
Marriage is not one size fits all. You have to do what’s right for you and your spouse!!
Or what if your spouse truly did something to break your marriage vows; something that hurt you deeply? But the two of you decide to work on your marriage instead of splitting up. But instead of getting support for your decision, your family and friends are telling you that you are a fool for staying.
Marriage is not one size fits all. You have to do what’s right for you and your spouse!!
I’ve personally experienced outside chatter with decisions we have made for our family. When Lamar and I decided to take our business to the next level, he resigned from his position and we moved from the DC area to the Atlanta area. This was a well thought out plan that we made and worked on together. It has been the very best decision for our family and our business. BMWK has exploded in size, we’ve been featured regularly in national media outlets based here and we constantly make all kinds of connections that wouldn’t be possible without us being here. Even more important than all of that is the amount of family time that we can spend now with the kids that we couldn’t do before. I was shocked to hear some of the negative comments that outsiders made about our decision. But, I did not even entertain them.
Marriage is not one size fits all. You have to do what’s right for you and your spouse!!
Once you and your spouse come to an agreement about something, it should not matter what others think about it. And if you are like me, you don’t let what people think stop you from making decisions. However, you must be careful about those little seeds of doubt that people plant as they can cause you stress and turmoil in your relationships. You can let their opinions impact you without even knowing it.
Over the years (especially when we were first married) I let outside opinions and negative comments plant seeds of doubt. And I do think that this resulted in arguments at home. However, I have been able to get beyond that by communicating with my husband and working closely with him (keeping our bond tight.)
Here are some things that we have done over the years to help us achieve our goals and to minimize outside influences:
- We established goals and put action plans in place to achieve them. We did not just say: “I want to move to Atlanta.” We worked on a plan for making that happen.
- We made sure that both of us agreed to the goals/decisions and that they were mutually beneficial. Please don’t agree to something that you can not live with or that goes against your beliefs for the sake of keeping the peace. Lamar did not just quit his job. We both agreed that our business had grown and if we wanted to go to the next level, we needed for him to focus on it full time.
- We had regular checkpoints on our progress and held each other accountable. If things weren’t working, we had to re-plan.
- If little seeds of doubt crop up, don’t allow them to take root. Tell your spouse how you are feeling. Communicate frequently and you will be able to re-assure each other and make plans to address the concerns as they arise. I definitely had to learn to do this. I found that when I was honest about fears or doubt, Lamar was there to listen and we worked them out.
- Always remember that you are a team that is working together on common goals. Be a team inside of the home as well as outside of the home. If you have disagreements about your family goals… work them out together at home. This one is really big. If you don’t know anything about Lamar and me, know this…we are a team. We support each other in our individual endeavors as well as our common goals.
- People don’t need to know your business and they certainly don’t get a vote!! Enough said!!
- I am not saying that you should not have people that you consult or confide in, but have some discernment when seeking advice and counsel. Sometimes your mama or your best friend is not the best or most qualified person to give you advice.
Finally, know that you will never fail if you have each other. If you don’t reach your goal in the expected time frame, or if you have to go back to work, or if you suffer a financial challenge, you should know that those setbacks are only temporary. But the real success comes from being able to love and support each other through the good times and the bad times.
BMWK family, have you ever encountered outside chatter from friends and family? Did you listen to it? Did it affect your marriage in any form?