I always wanted to be a mom. Since I was a child, I dreamed about nurturing another human being and helping them create a happy life.
Recently, my 5-year-old son was sharing his dreams of being an astronaut, rock star, and soldier, when my 3-year-old daughter jumped in and said, “mommy, I am going to be a mommy and live in a rainbow house when I grow up.”
She had the brightest smile on her face. It made me realize how young some girls are when they start thinking about being a mommy.
Motherhood is an awesome experience. I don’t think anything else in my life has helped me understand more of who I am than motherhood has. My kids bring out the best in me, but they also bring my flaws and fears to light. They force me to dig deep and look for answers. They force me to examine every decision I why I’m here living this life.
I do a lot for my kids. Most moms do. It’s part of the deal. When you sign up for this motherhood stuff, you have to plan on doing a lot. If you don’t plan on doing a lot, something is wrong.
But does doing a lot mean losing ourselves in the process? Does it mean we give and give until we feel depleted? Does it mean staying up all night trying to be this perfect mom instead of sleeping?
I don’t think that’s what motherhood is all about. I think when we view it as such, we are setting ourselves up for a really tough road, and we may potentially do some damage to our kids.
If you think you are losing yourself in motherhood, here are 5 reasons why you shouldn’t.
Your kids need the happiest version of you.
Can I be honest? Your kids don’t want the version of you that does everything, barely sleeps, and hasn’t had a manicure in months.
That version of you is less than what they deserve, and it’s definitely less than what you deserve. What your kid truly wants and needs is the version of you that’s rested, present, healthy, and happy.
You may think you do all you do because of them, but if you take the time to really look at things, you may be doing way too much for all the wrong reasons.
A rested mom is a better mom.
What are you like when you feel exhausted day after day? I know I’m a hot mess. Fatigue leads to poor choices, crankiness and a bunch of others things I’m sure no one in my life wants to deal with.
If you find a way to make sleep a priority, I am certain you will see improvements in every area of your life, including the type of mother you are.
Being a martyr is not cute.
I honestly believe that a lot of women do too much so the people around can feel bad about how much they do.
That doesn’t make much sense. Stop being a martyr and just ask for (and receive) help. Trying to do it all alone and hoping to get brownie points (or sympathy points) for it just isn’t cute.
It will make you become a crappy parent when your kids are adults.
When you lose sight of who you are because you are consumed with your kids, you will feel lost when they grow up and move out. That sadness will surely have an impact on how you interact with your adult children and may cause you to have unreasonable expectations of them.
If you always maintain a sense of who you are and what you need in life, you are more likely to maintain a great relationship with your kids well into their adulthood.
The world really needs all of you.
Walking around half asleep and giving the world only a part of who you are is sad. Sure, it’s great that people know you as so-and-so’s awesome mom, but that’s not all of who you are.
It can’t be. You were a whole person before you had kids. You have more to offer the world than just the love and compassion you share as a parent. Give the world all of who you are.
BMWK moms, what do you do so you don’t lose yourself in motherhood?