By Tatianah Green,
I’ve recently come to the realization that I have an issue with being vulnerable. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you read that? Is it vulnerable in the sense of opening up to those around you, making public speeches, seeing your body in a certain outfit, or disclosing personal and raw feelings to your loved ones including those who we are in relationships with (current and in the future)? It can really mean all of those issues. I can admit then that it’s more than one issue with being vulnerable, it’s several.
What Does It Mean?
Being vulnerable means to be open, exposed, and at risk of more hurt than being guarded. I think there’s a fine line that Christian singles have to walk carefully when it comes to being vulnerable and guarding their hearts. We are told in the word to guard our hearts, not cast our pearls to swine, and basically not affiliate with hints of evil or compromise. We become so guarded that we don’t become vulnerable when we need to. At some point, we slowed down trusting God to show us people and followed our assumptions and prejudgments of others instead. We create a barrier that’s hard for anyone we love/love us to penetrate because of the need to avoid hurt.
It’s natural to not want to be hurt, but it’s guaranteed in this life. Let’s be honest, you and I could be hurt by someone if we are too vulnerable or too guarded. I wonder where the balance is and how can one achieve it so we can draw the right people in our lives and create healthy relationships full of substance, harmony, and honesty.
I thank God for sending me people in my life to challenge me to see myself and issues for what they are, but there’s another issue in vulnerability that was not mentioned. In the perspective of a believer or follower of Jesus, we are made to be in relationship with God. However, at times we (me included) are not even vulnerable with God. Have you ever tried to pray and you ask for forgiveness yet not bring up the sin, afraid of being vulnerable before God? What’s silly about that is ..we try to hide things from God, who knows everything about us anyway!
It’s as if we got in trouble with a parent and didn’t want to admit everything in hopes that the punishment would be less severe. I can admit that I have done that in the past and I’m ridding that bad habit from my life now. Not just because being more vulnerable before God will bring us closer to Him, it will flow better into our other relationships, and love life.
“Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8 NIV
What keeps us from being vulnerable? …
What keeps us from being vulnerable….not being able to trust someone we want to confide in, lies and misunderstandings that we have believed to be true, thinking we can handle our problems by ourselves, etc. If you have a hard time pouring out your heart and being vulnerable to God, it may be because you do not trust Him on what you’re dealing with.
Being vulnerable is important in relationships that have the purpose to grow and do well. If you have issues being vulnerable to someone you’re dating, have you brought that before God yet? We should be able to come to those we care about with the concerns on our minds and in our hearts, but we must take it to God before we take it to people. How can we have healthy functioning relationships if we can’t give our concerns first to God? He can answer your problems if you are willing to be honest with what’s going on and trust Him to help you.
If you start at the top with God, it will be easier to be vulnerable with those you love, thus building a stronger connection. The relationship may be new or in the state of refreshing, but find the root cause of what’s preventing you from being totally vulnerable and take it to God first. This requires you to think and be honest with yourself; fear is not invited to the conversation.
How does one do this?
A good way to start is by taking the time to be one on one with God. Psalm 139 covers a good portion of trust and vulnerability; verses 23 and 24 can be said in your personal prayers:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Yes, being vulnerable is a risk, but we can always trust God, He is not a man that has an inconsistent expression of love. God’s love never changes; all the more reason to be vulnerable with Him and seek direction on who to be open and vulnerable with when it comes to your personal relationships, now and in the future.
Tatianah Green is a multimedia content creator with a passion for writing. In 2012 she launched her first blog, B.L.I.S.S. {Black Love & Inspiration for Saved Singles} to encourage the Black faith community to be the best in their personal relationships with God that will in turn create successful relationships and marriages. Tatianah wants to engage readers in conversations that discuss how our community approaches popular culture, dating, and relationships. Tatianah lives, works, and dates in Chicago. Connect with Tatianah on her blog, www.blissforsingles.com