Ever been speed dating? Before I turned 30, I wanted to give speed dating a try. Movies like Hitch to 40 Year Old Virgin, which featured speed dating scenes, left me curious.
As a busy woman, the idea seemed alluring, but I wondered how can people go on speed dates and honestly establish a legitimate connection. If you’re curious too but have always wanted to try it, don’t worry because I’ve tried it out for you.
Weighing Expectations
How do you normally feel when going on a first date? A little nervous, shy or confident? I had the butterflies of panic in my stomach, as I usually have when I try something new that’s out of my comfort zone.
Many of us go into dates with expectations. With speed dating, I expected to have fun and meet some random people. I didn’t have any high expectations of meeting someone I would instantly connect with. I expected to meet people from different areas of the city and who represented all walks of life. I’d suggest that anyone considering speed dating should go with the mindset to have fun and celebrate being yourself; no one can be you like you can.
My Dates
While the company was setting up the event in a private room, I had a conversation with one of the single men who sat next to me at the bar. The young man is a future physician (a surgeon rather), who shared similar interests with me on travel and trying different foods. Did I mention that he wasn’t black? Oh yes, no one was, except for me.
Soooo, what’s it like to date a whole bunch of people in one night? A little exhausting but fun, depending on how you look at it.
I never dated someone out of my race. So it was interesting to “date” for six-minutes each man of the following descents: Lithuanian, Persian, Scandinavian, Mexican, Albanian, and undisclosed! All I know was that they were not black.
I wonder if the experience would have been received differently if there were other backgrounds and cultures. Now I kind of know what it’s like to have dated outside of my race, there’s a first for everything.
Outside of race, the men had different personalities and lifestyles. Some were funny, some were dry. Some were educated, some were casual. One man was a poet, who had been on five speed dates already. Others came from other cities outside Chicago but were trying to find fun, social things to do in the city; it was a relief to not be the only rookie there.
Umm No
The evening did turn out one awkward moment. This one guy comes up to me, and as I turn in my seat to look at him, he has this “oh crap, she’s black” look on his face and that was enough for me right there.
It was not a horrible date, but it was noted that we were not feeling each other’s space. His body language was defensive and not welcoming, we didn’t share too many interests, and we had several gaps of silence between us…the longest…six minutes…ever. Needless to say, he left his evaluation sheet (which we all had) at the bar, so it tells me he wasn’t feeling anyone since his sheet was blank.
Positives
What positive thing can I say about the guys? They are not into finding long-term romance in the clubs; they find it better to talk to women in bars or situations like speed dating. They like to travel, have fun with friends, express themselves. They didn’t mention spiritual or political affiliation at all.
Ages ranged from 24 to 38 for the men. Some of them were actually decent looking, I said some. Nevertheless, each one was special in their own way, and I can accept that.
Should Christians Go Speed Dating?
While some Christians may feel that speed dating is a bit worldly, there are single ministries and organizations that host Christian-themed speed dating and mingling events.
Personally, I think it’s worth a try because, in essence, you are meeting dozens of people in a controlled setting where you are not obligated to give out anything more than you name and age; everything else you disclose is up to you. Isn’t that like meeting people at a regular social gathering or just on the street?
That said, there are a few people for whom I would not recommend speeding dating, such as those who are:
- Prone to be naive about new people and situations/lack of discernment
- Fall in love quickly
- Ultra conservative
- Emotionally unstable
- Slow to pick up on non-verbal signals
- Not friendly or warm to people
- Lack common sense skills
- Have a dull or hard-to-read personalities
There’s something for everyone out there, and I can say that I’m glad to have gotten this experience out of my system. It’s no longer on my “What If” list of things I might look back on when I’m too old for this stuff.
I believe that you can’t be closed off to everything. Find the good in every situation, and meeting new people is good. This is practice for many of our spiritual attributes as Christians (discernment, witnessing, evangelism, etc.). I walked away from that evening with a sense of relief, empowerment, and a memorable story to share.
Hey BMWK fam, have you been speed dating before?