Okay, fellas, please help the ladies out. I skated around this particular question in a previous post, but I see I just need to come out and ask the question.
Christian men, what do you want in a relationship?
With so many pastors and leaders dating and marrying women who are not known for being “church girls”? It causes Christian women to question, what are Christian men really looking for?
Before I begin, let me state this disclaimer: I am not judging the men or women who are listed below. God meets each of us where we are. I praise God that these women have confessed Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
However, for the sake of this post, I am basing my point of view on their public persona. There are so many Christian women who desire to be married. Due to their Christian beliefs, many find it hard to find a man outside of the church who possess the same values and standards they desire. So most look inside the church to meet a like-minded partner.
However, it seems as if they are the only ones. Over the past several years, many pastors and church leaders have gone outside of the church to meet, date and marry. Why?
I don’t believe this is a new phenomenon, however, with so many high profile relationships, this topic is quickly causing concern.
For example, several years ago, Bishop Noel Jones was linked with actress Lisa Raye.
In 2012, Pastor and studio executive, Devon Franklin married actress and self-professed party girl Meagan Good.
In 2015 NFL player Russell Wilson, a devout Christian started dating R& B singer Ciara. Their relationship received a lot of public scrutiny after his announcement that they agreed to remain celibate throughout their courtship. They married in 2016.
Pastor Jamal Bryant is currently dating R&B singer Tweet, who was introduced to the world in 2002 with her sexually-charged song, Oops. Tweet is now a Christian and has been deemed by Bryant as his Last Lady, meaning she is the “one” for him.
And just a few weeks ago actress, singer and talk show host, Adrienne Bailon celebrated her nuptials to gospel recording artist, singer, songwriter, producer and worship leader Israel Houghton with a Parisian-themed bridal shower.
Each of these ladies are beautiful and talented in their own right. And truth be told, there is no way of knowing what kind of personal connection they had with the Lord. However, none of these ladies have been affiliated or known for their Christian beliefs or values. The church is not lacking in the area of beautiful, talented women, so many Christian women are likely observing these romances and asking, why are they being overlooked?
Christian men what are you looking for? When left to our own devices, it causes women to question and wonder why. And here are a few theories that I’ve found currently floating around this topic:
Savior Complex
Could it be that some Christian men pursue women outside of the church because of the savior complex—a man’s need to save the damsel in distress? Could it be that men see the women in the church not needing a savior, so they pursue women who need one?
Celibacy
Some Christian women are pursuing celibacy prior to marriage. Could it be that some Christian men don’t share these same values and desire someone who is willing to have sex prior to marriage? So they pursue women outside of the church who share the same viewpoint?
Too Holy
Women in the church choose to pursue a more disciplined lifestyle of prayer, fasting, studying the Bible, etc. Are these women too holy or too spiritual for some Christian men? Could it be that these men don’t want to be held to a higher level of accountability by Christian women? Could this be the reason why some Christian men pursue a new believer or someone who is not as mature in their faith over more mature Christian women?
Party Girl
Women in the church are perceived as having no social life outside of their church obligations. As such, they are pigeonholed as being boring. Although this is a true statement for some, it is not true for all. Could this general perception be the reason why Christian men pursue women outside of the church because they want a woman who is more lively and ready to have fun?
Sexual Experience
Many men have expressed their desire not to be with a virgin. Do Christian men prefer someone who has some sexual experience over those who have none?
Ministry Driven
Most women in the church are interested in cultivating their relationship with God and, in doing so, they begin to grow and mature in God’s purpose and plans for their lives. For some, that means pastoring, preaching and teaching the Word of God.
Are Christian men intimated by these women because they are growing stronger in their faith and pursuing God’s call on their life? Do they feel their leadership or counsel will be questioned if they marry a woman who is in ministry? Do they pursue someone less mature in their faith to grow with?
It’s possible that some, if not all of the above are reasons why some spiritually-mature Christian men pursue less spiritually-mature Christian women. But men, we would love to hear from you.
Christian men, PLEASE help the single Christian women out. Why are you choosing women outside of the church? What are you looking for? What do you want in a mate?
BMWK, can you help the Christian women out?