Preparing for marriage can save tons of heartache down the road.
Part of that preparation is having the difficult conversations. There are five talks that you should if you are serious about getting married.
You will have to be honest and vulnerable but you need to know this information about one another. It will help build a healthy foundation for your marriage.
Here are the 5 topics for discussion; they are easy to remember if you think of the acronym SMIRKtm.
- Sex
- Money
- In-laws
- Religion
- Kids
So, let’s briefly chat about each one.
Sex
Sexual intercourse is an important part of marriage. It is sacred within the marriage relationship.
In this area the following should be discussed:
- Is this an area of intimacy you both want in your marriage (some do not, believe it or not)?
- Are there past traumas or hurts that need to be brought to the table and dealt with because they will affect your life together?
- What is your vision for this area of your marriage?
Money
Money is a powerful tool. It must be kept in right perspective within a marriage. In this area here are four basic ideas to start your conversation:
- What debts do you already owe?
- Will you pool all of your money together into joint accounts?
- How will you handle giving?
- Will you live off one income or do you need both?
In-laws
When you get married you will, most likely, have in-laws. Despite the ridicule this relationship faces, you can have a good relationship with your in-laws. Start it off on a good foot by being knowledgeable.
- How does your potential mate get along with his/her parents? Talk about this and observe it in their interactions.
- Are there expectations that come along with being a daughter or son in law, like dinner together every Sunday or naming your first born after a grandparent?
- How will the two of you handle challenges with in-laws?
Religion
A person’s faith is a foundational part of who they are. Talk about this.
- Are you of the same faith?
- If not, what does this mean to your relationship? Please don’t get married thinking you will change your potential mate after they say, “I do”.
- Will your faith tenants govern your marriage relationship?
- What are your faith principles?
Kids
Some get married and can’t wait to have children. Some enter marriage with children. Others may not want children. This needs to be addressed when you are talking about getting married.
- If children are involved from a previous relationship, what is the plan to seamlessly integrate all family members?
- How many children do you want?
- Will both parents work outside the home or one stay home with the kids?
These questions only begin to scratch the surface. They are a good place to start so you can continue moving forward.
Once you have the information, it is necessary to come to an agreement or at least a mutual respect for each other’s position. Next you must decide how these areas will be handled within your married relationship.
Engaged and serious couples have the conversations. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results.
BMWK, how did it work for you when you had these conversations? Did you have them before or after marriage?