Do you secretly feel awkward around men you find attractive because you just don’t know what to say to them when they approach you?
Does online dating feel like a chore because you don’t know how to respond to all those “winks” and “flirts” that men send?
Let me help a sista out by giving you the top 2 conversation starters my clients have used online and offline to help them effortlessly get men to ask them out.
1. The “Can You Help Me?” Technique
I know when you’re a strong, independent woman, you don’t like asking anyone for help. But that little 4-letter word is music to a masculine man’s ears! Men love to feel needed. And when you ask for help, you’ll get their attention.
Here’s how it works:
Let’s say you’re in the grocery store and you see an attractive man in the toilet paper aisle. You casually walk by him and say, “Excuse me, can you help me get the tissues on the top shelf? I’m not tall enough to reach it.”
If he’s a gentleman, he’ll oblige. From there, you can say “thank you” and start small talk. If he’s single and interested, he’ll continue the conversation with you and ask you for your phone number.
2. The “Either/Or” Technique
If you wait for the man you want to write to you when you’re using an online dating site, you may be waiting a long time! In fact, Kevin Lewis, of the University of San Diego and Ken-Hou Lin of the University of Massachusetts, two social scientists who have studied the impact of race in online dating, suggest that Black women should initiate conversations with men online to overcome the challenges they face with men not reaching out to them.
If you don’t make the first move, you could end up with an inbox of cliche messages like, “hey beautiful” or “you deserve a flirt!”
So, if you want more meaningful messages that will actually get you offline to a real conversation (and a date), then use my either/or technique! It works like a charm.
Here’s how it works:
Read the guy’s profile and find one of his hobbies or interests and then ask him about what he’d prefer from your two options. For example, let’s say he likes movies. You could send a first message which reads, “If we were going to the movies, would you rather see a horror movie or an action movie?”
Then, you sit back and wait for him to respond. If you’re shy about using the power of suggestion by mentioning that you’d be on a date with him, you could simply write, “Hey there! Which do you prefer: horror movies or comedies?” The point is simply to start the conversation in a way that’s fun and easy and doesn’t put too much pressure on yourself to impress anyone.
With these techniques, you’ll be able to effortlessly begin small talk with any man. You won’t look desperate or thirsty, because you’ll put the ball in his court to take the next step.
Single ladies, what are your favorite conversation starters? Share them with the the BMWK family!