When I first saw my husband, everything about him screamed, “I am a confident, ALPHA male.” However, when he asked me out on our first real date, all of that went out the door. We look back and laugh about it now, but at the time, it was a really awkward moment. Here’s what happened:
I’d invited him to spend Thanksgiving dinner with my family, and he accepted even though he’d purchased tickets to Atlanta over a year ago to spend the holidays with his friends. When he came to dinner, he fit right in with my large, loud family and hung around until late that evening. There was this awkward silence as I tried to walk him to the door to say goodbye because he wasn’t really moving toward the door. He was just standing there.
Suddenly, his eyes widened, his body stiffened, and he blurted out: “You feel like going out?”
I was so floored that it took me a minute to answer. It seemed like an eternity passed before I squealed, “YES!”
I think we both let out a sigh of relief and then. . . more awkwardness as we tried to figure out where we should go for our first date.
The entire date was awkward, including the moment he walked me back to my parents’ front door. But 11 months later, we were married.
I’m so glad I was willing to look past the awkwardness of our first date because I found my Mr. Right. But the question I have for many of you ladies is: are you ruling out your dates too quickly?: Are you judging or dismissing your dates because they don’t appear confident? Do you say things like, there just wasn’t any chemistry between us?
I’d like to encourage you like I encourage my matchmaking and coaching clients with this quote:
Go out with someone four times before you decide the person is not for you. I don’t believe in first impressions.~Anne Teachworth
I agree with Ms. Teachworth: First impressions are overrated.
Let me tell you why.
If there’s absolutely NO attraction between you and you’re date, then it’s ok to pass on a second date. But if you’re eliminating dates because you don’t feel a spark as soon as you see him, then I want to let you in on a big secret:
Chemistry is not an all-or-nothing, black-or-white thing. In fact, you have chemistry with people who feel familiar to you. If you’re used to dating dysfunctional people, you’ll think drama is equivalent to off-the-charts chemistry!
A track record of dating the wrong men can make the right man seem “boring.” I’m sure you can think of times when you had off-the-charts chemistry with someone and then your relationship fizzled out fast!
I’m sure you can also think of couples you know who:
1) didn’t like each other when they first met
2) had no chemistry when they first met
3) didn’t find each other attractive when they first met
However, somewhere between “hello” and “I do” they made a connection, fell in love and are now happy together!
The bottom line is chemistry does not equal compatibility. It’s a great feeling, but it’s not necessary to fall in love! Be careful you don’t diss Mr. Right because of one date.
BMWK, would you give a person another date if there’s no chemistry on the first date? Why or why not?