In part one, we looked at the reasons why good men are single and examined reasons that were not particularly of a man’s own choosing. In part two, I want to take a look at some reasons why men choose to be single for extended periods of time—and sometimes indefinitely.
In response to part one of this article, I received some reader comments. One comment seemed to represent the sentiments of many women I hear talk about this issue. The writer suggested that men stay single because they don’t want to lose their benefits. I find this thought very interesting considering men have no more or less to lose than women (though many women, it seems, would disagree). However, there is some truth to her assertion, but it’s only a certain segment of men who this is true for. Good men are not among them.
Sowing of Wild Oats
Good men don’t sow wild oats. They eat them. The best use of wild oats is for nutrition and not for use as justification for the emotional abuse inflicted upon trusting women. Men, who use this cliche’d excuse, seek to rationalize their selfish behavior in a way that normalizes it. Some even go to such lengths as to call it science. There is nothing scientific about the selfish misuse of a woman by any man who chooses to play with multiple women rather than commit to one.
Focused on Career
This sounds honorable on the surface, but it’s a self-serving excuse to use a woman by “pleasure on demand.” It makes a “weekend-girl” out of an honest woman when a man only gives her the time he needs to satisfy his desires in between pursuing his goals and ambitions. A truly honorable man will focus solely on his career if that is what’s most important to him; he will pursue a woman when he is willing to give her adequate time needed to develop a relationship.
Wounded
Good men don’t use their prior wounds as excuses for poor behavior. “Hurt people, don’t hurt people.” Selfish people hurt people. Giving credence to the former quote gives an inadvertent justification for hurting someone when you’ve been hurt. Anyone who’s been alive longer than 30 minutes has been hurt in a relationship. It gives right nor justification for hurting someone else. Those who know that hurt don’t want to inflict the same pain on some other undeserving person. It’s in the nature of love to want to shield someone you love from harm.
These are noticeable distinctions that distinguish good men from mere men. More could be added. There is clearly a difference between the two. One leaves a woman better. The other leaves a woman bitter.
But I tend to believe good men will be more commonplace when the good man is more accepted by women. I go by the theory: “Good men are a product of supply and demand. When the demand increases so will the product.”
BMWK, what other reasons do you think men stay single?