I’m a member of several Facebook groups that were created under the premise of eliminating the “battle of the sexes” between men and women. You know the ones where you’re supposed to find advice and encouragement to assist you in finding love or strengthening your relationship. Yet, all you see is a bunch of name-calling, stereotyping and just really bad advice.
There are a lot conversations going on about love, especially on social media. Unfortunately, a lot of those conversations leave you feeling disheartened and like you’d rather not be bothered by relationships at all. Quite frankly, there are too many conversations about what’s wrong with love and not enough conversations about the wonderful benefits of being in a healthy, loving relationship. It’s no wonder I’m seeing more and more people with jaded ideas about relationships and being in love.
And this is exactly why Troy Spry, certified life and relationship coach and “Reality Expert,” decided to write the book Teach Me How to Love: Why What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You. Spry wants people to do better and to have healthy relationships and families. So, he’s taken all of the lessons he has learned as a certified relationship coach, and he has put them into a book.
“One thing I’ve learned for sure is that people still want love. They want healthy relationships: they want commitment; they want marriage. However, many are frustrated and confused, feeling like they are just spinning their wheels and getting nowhere fast.” —Troy Spry, Teach Me How to Love.
So here are 4 (of the many) lessons that Troy shares about love that you absolutely will not get on one of those Facebook pages:
1. “Healthy relationships build you up and dysfunctional ones tear you down. If you ever want to experience the next-level love…you must know the difference.”
While love does take effort, it is not supposed to hurt. Knowing the difference between healthy relationships and dysfunctional ones will keep you from tolerating mistreatment, abuse and infidelity in the name of love.
2. “Developing a healthy relationship doesn’t start with you finding the one, it starts with you being the one.”
Spry says the most important ingredient for having healthy relationships is self-worth. When you value yourself, then you will seek someone of value and someone that values you. And when you don’t feel you have value, you begin to settle.
3.”The control starts with you and within you—your standards, your mindset and your behavior.”
You’re not a victim. Control what you can control—and that’s you. You cannot control how a person treats you. But you can take your life in your own hands, empower yourself and make better decisions for yourself about who you allow in your life and how you will be treated.
4. “The best way to create a healthy relationship is to start with two healthy people.”
You’ve got to start doing a better job of picking your mates. Spry really advises people to take some time to get to know themselves. Not only do you need to understand your core values, you also need to understand your deal breakers. Understanding your own core values will empower you to pick a mate who is more suited for you. Knowing your deal breakers (before you develop strong feelings for a person) will empower you to cut things off when you know your deal breakers have become an issue in the relationship.
That is such great advice. And there is so much more of these gems of wisdom in the book. Spry hopes by the time you finish reading his book, you will be one step closer to knowing how to love and having the relationship you desire.
BMWK, do you think social media and Facebook are contributing to the negative mindsets about love and relationships?