So, you’ve made the decision to abstain from sex until marriage? Congratulations! You are dating while celibate and you’ve joined many other singles who have made this personal and spiritual choice, including Meagan Good and Tamara Mowry who both decided to become celibate while they were dating.
While I celebrate your courage to make this choice, I know you may feel like it’s almost impossible to find someone who respects your values and is willing to grow with you as you move forward in your relationship.
You also may have some questions about how to talk about sex with the person you’re dating.
“Sex was given by God to help express love, not to create it.”
I want to help you stick with your decision and find a person who is willing to walk this journey with you by giving you 3 tips for having the conversation about celibacy with the person you’re dating.
1. Clearly state your reasons and requirements for being celibate
When the topic of sex comes up with the person you’re dating, explain why you decided to become celibate. Is it for spiritual reasons? Are you healing from past experiences? Be clear about your reasons.
Also, you’ll want to clearly state your requirements. If you’re abstaining until marriage, make sure that you share this, otherwise the other person may have an expectation that they can change your mind! Be upfront about your physical boundaries as well. You are ownership over your body!
2. Be clear that choosing not to have sex doesn’t mean you are not sexual.
It’s important to make this distinction because you don’t want to associate sex with shame or guilt in your mind or the mind of your potential partner.
You also don’t want the other person to feel like you’re punishing them because of your decision to abstain. You’re looking forward to enjoying sex at the right time and with the right person and you can share that in your conversations. You can even use this quote by Dr. Myles Munroe: “Sex was given by God to help express love, not to create it.”
3. Be prepared for the other person to make their own decision
Whether you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship or you’ve decided to become celibate while you’re already in a relationship, you must be prepared for the consequences of that choice. The other person may have different standards and expectations. If they decide they can’t handle not having sex until marriage, let them go! Be confident that you will find the right person who will happily respect you.
I want you to be encouraged and stand strong in your decision to date while celibate. In a world that is saturated by hookups, casual sex, and sex before marriage, there are people who understand that sexual freedom means the freedom to choose not to have sex before it’s time.
BMWK, are you dating while celibate? What are your greatest challenges?