When people hear that I met and married my husband in 11 short months, they often assume we had a whirlwind romance. The truth is, while we were madly in love when we got married, we used our heads to make a good decision.
That out of control, head-over-heels feeling is amazing and it’s one you should enjoy when you’re in love.
But you also want to use your head so you don’t end up in a dead-end relationship, going nowhere fast. If you notice these 3 signs, it could mean that your relationship is moving too fast and it’s time to pump the breaks!
1) You’ve Never Felt This Way Before
The person you’ve been dating for 3 weeks declares you are his wife, says he’s never met anyone like you, and that he has never felt this way before. This is exactly what you’ve longed to hear and so you declare your love to him, while gazing in his eyes.
Sounds romantic, right? Hold on though, because he might be “in love with love.” Worse yet, the fact that neither of you has ever felt this way before, may be a sign the you’ve never been in a healthy relationship before. Keep your eyes open!
2) You Lose Your Voice
If you’re afraid to speak up, voice your opinions, or turn down a date for fear the other person will feel rejected or leave you, that’s a big red flag.
3) You’re Too Focused On The Future
It’s date three and you’re already talking about having kids, going on trips together, or what you’ll be doing tomorrow. You need time and space to decide if someone is a good match for you.
Moving too fast in a relationship is just as dysfunctional as running from commitment and can make you less aware of the quality of your relationship. Lust doesn’t last. You want to build a relationship on love, and that takes some time to discover. If you find you’re moving too fast, here’s how to pump the breaks:
1) Write down his negative qualities
This sounds bad, but when you’re falling in love, the only thing you ever notice is what he does right. Your tunnel vision blinds you to character flaws, and you make excuses for his bad behavior. When you remember that his man has issues (just like you do), you’ll stay grounded.
2) Ask smarter questions
Who cares if he says he loves Jesus, wants marriage and a family too! You need to know:
- how he defines the role of a husband and wife;
- what his views on parenting are;
- how he handles problems;
- how he behaves when he is frustrated
Discuss those and much, much more before you can know if you should spend the rest of your life with him.
3) Schedule some distance
When you spend every waking moment together, it’s easy to feel like this person is The One. You want to be careful not to lose yourself just because you’ve found someone!
Test the strength of your new relationship by putting a little distance between the two of you. Schedule your next date 2 weeks out and see if you feel the same way about him. (Also, check to see his response to your boundaries. If he gets angry or tries to manipulate you into seeing him sooner, that’s a big red flag!)
Instant chemistry can turn into a lasting relationship when you are in in a healthy place. Make sure you know how to manage your own emotions and fears, and put on the brakes when necessary.
BMWK, what are more signs you’re moving too fast in your relationship?