NO, your mate can’t change you but that doesn’t mean that you may not need to change some things. Okay let me back up for a second because I am a huge advocate of accepting someone as they are when going into a marriage or a relationship; but the truth of the matter is that there is no way to go through every season with someone before you decide to marry them.
Sometimes in marriage we endure different seasons and sometimes those seasons require something different from you as a mate.
Sometimes you’re in need of something different mentally, emotionally, or even physically but you keep using “I am who I am” or “you know this is how I was before you married me” as your reason to not want to shift and meet your mate half way.
Here are a few seasons you might go through in your relationship that might require you to “change” a little bit.
Post Newlywed Season
Okay. During newlywed season, something like 1 year to 18 months into being married, the marriage seems just perfect. The lust is at an all-time high, the excitement is on 10, and your marriage is on FLEEK!
All you and your mate want to do is spend time together and date each other. Well suddenly you’re about two years in and careers and life start to happen. You realize that the workaholic in you is in full effect because you start thinking about the future of your marriage and possibly having kids.
Your wife or husband wants you to be more conscious about spending time with them and including them, yet you’re always working. Your mate needs that attention, yet you say “you know I’ve always been a workaholic.” Wrong Answer!
In addition to that, newlywed season is over and you’re starting to have some grown couple conflict.
It used to be cute and all your mate had to do was smile at you and all was good. Well now, that doesn’t work anymore and you actually have to communicate through some issues. Instead of wanting to talk you’d rather shut down and say “well you know I’m not good at expressing myself” and “I don’t like to talk.” Wrong Answer again! Your mate and relationship need you to communicate so you have to open your mouth and heart.
Kid Season
Okay, I get it. Maybe you aren’t naturally a very loving and nurturing person; or maybe you aren’t really good at paying attention to details or anticipating needs; but during this season in your marriage, you may have to make a shift.
The kids might need you to show them some love. Maybe mom is gone and you have to figure out the needs for the kids for school or that field trip, so the details will matter. Maybe mom is exhausted and the household still needs to function so she needs you to step in.
Instead of trying to learn how to do these things, all you can say is “well you knew I wasn’t very nurturing or detail oriented when you met me.” Wrong Answer!
Mid-life Crises Season
Maybe in the beginning of the relationship you couldn’t get enough of each other physically. Maybe the sex was amazing and both of you just naturally had amazing looking bodies.
Now age is starting to creep up and maybe one’s sex drive is higher than the other’s; maybe over the years some weight has been gained and someone just doesn’t seem as attractive anymore.
Maybe in the bedroom your “old moves” don’t do the trick as they once did and your spouse needs a little more from you. Now, the season has changed and maybe you and your mate need a new game plan.
But all you can say is “well you knew I didn’t like to work out when you met me” or “You knew I was conservative in the bedroom when you met me.” Wrong Answer!
Just because it’s what you’ve always done or who you’ve always been doesn’t mean that some changes may not need to be made for the longevity of your marriage.
There are so many other scenarios I can mention, but hopefully you get the concept. Just because it’s what you’ve always done or who you’ve always been doesn’t mean that some changes may not need to be made for the longevity of your marriage.
Your mate may need a little more and who better to get it from than you. Who knows you may even like “different.”
BMWK Fam, what are some other seasons we go through where changes may be needed?