by Eric Payne
It’s rare that I testify. I usually save spiritual matters for conversations with close friends and family. But I have a testimony that I am compelled to share.
Every morning I wake up, no matter how tired, happy and blessed to be a father. There is no greater responsibility than to be in the position to care for and influence the ways of a couple of little ones. But being a husband doesn’t always feel like a privilege nor does it always merit the same results for me as being Dad does, but God help me, I try my best every day.
Why? Because God helps me.
I realized a few months back that being the best husband and father I can be has little to do with impressing others. Throughout most of last year I learned the hard way that no matter how hard you try, you can’t and shouldn’t seek out the approval of others, not family, not friends, not even your spouse. Besides, if your spouse doesn’t approve of you prior to marriage then you have a major a problem on your hands.
As a rule, your actions shouldn’t be dictated by what is currently going on in your life. Through good times and bad our children need consistency from us. We don’t have the luxury of being bad parents on our bad days. Our children will suffer needlessly. At work we would lose our jobs if we allowed our bad days or moods overtly influence our performance. In this same vein, we shouldn’t act as if we have the luxury to pick and choose what kind of spouse we are going to be based on the type of day we are having or based on our spouse’s behavior — good, bad or otherwise.
Pastors preach from the pulpit that we are to be God’s workmanship, the very best that he intends from us. Of course things will rise up to challenge this on a daily basis. All that’s wrong with the world would prefer that we all join in kumbaya style with the rest of the half-steppers currently making the world go nowhere.
Once this finally gelled for me early in January of this year I made the decision to be the best husband and father I can be for God because He is the one I should be answering to at the beginning of the day, all throughout it and at it’s end. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be accountable to my wife and kids. It just means I now choose to be accountable to God first. By doing so I strive daily through my words and actions to be the best man He would have me be. The beneficiaries of my actions, my wife and kids, will only stand to benefit from my best. The real challenge arises when my baby girl is the exact opposite of a princess, or when my son, the teenager, is being sullen and unappreciative, or when my wife simply doesn’t get me for one reason or another.
Serve God First
This “serve God first” mentality has made these challenges somewhat easy and very endurable. I rarely get angry these days and I never stay angry over the things that only months ago left me paralyzed with resentment. I’ve learned that actions motivated by anger only make things worse. I have evolved into a man of action. I do because I am supposed to, not because of the actions of others around me. There hasn’t been a week that passes that I don’t come home with some sort of gift that says “I love and appreciate you,” whether that individual is “deserving” or not. I’m quick to apologize when I’m wrong because in striving to be the husband and father God would have me be, it’s very easy to know when I’m out of line. I wake up now each day excited to accomplish new and great things to glorify God. I can find something good in each day, no matter how small it might be. I speak my mind calmly and fearlessly, because I do so on principle rather than seeking to make a point or be “right.” And maybe most importantly, I’m no longer concerned with approval ratings because I now know, after nearly twenty years of being an adult, who I’m working for. Occurring quite naturally from all of this is the fact that nowadays no one under my roof has any complaints, or at least they shouldn’t. But it doesn’t matter as this is no longer my concern.
By no means have my problems gone away. But I am able to get at my problems with a clear head. I came to this place in my life through constant prayer, frequent consult with the Bible and people who know more than me, and the belief that trial and tribulation could not and would not triumph over me. In short, faith has led me here. I’m only in the early stages of my journey, but I definitely feel I am on the right path.
My goal here is not to impose my beliefs upon you, but merely to share a personal experience from my life that has brought about a breakthrough for me. If reading this has been meaningful to you then I’m glad God brought you here to BMWK. If not, then I hope this was an interesting read.
This is my testimony. Do you have one? If so, please feel free to share in the comments.
Follow Eric on Facebook and Twitter. He has written the articles Investing In An Emotional Letdown and the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook). He keeps it candid about being a man, dad and husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler.com. In his “spare time” Eric reviews autos, tech products and writes relationship articles for Atlanta-based J’Adore Magazine.