I had never heard of this term until recently. I was at the doctor’s office being asked a bunch of questions. I answered the questions truthfully. The questioner’s response, “You are almost a part of the sandwich generation.” I had no idea what that meant. She went on to explain that there is a generation of folks striving to take care of their children and their aging parents at the same time and the caregiver is sandwiched in the middle. In the midst of this, they may also have a job, run a business, and maintain some resemblance of a healthy marriage relationship.
How does one manage it all? Since I have found myself “almost” a member of this sandwich generation, here are 5 suggestions that I have found helpful. I hope they help you keep it all together if you find yourself in this season.
1. Get some help. This help may come from siblings, family, and friends or you may need to hire help. Make a list of the top things you could use assistance with and seek the appropriate help. You may have to take the time to train someone to help you, however, the time you invest training someone is well worth the effort.
Involve your family in the care of your parents as much as possible. It can be a time of training as children respect the older generation. As well, lifelong memories are made as they do things together. Dusting, folding clothes, and cooking a meal can become child-grandparent moments, as well as offer you the needed assistance.
Ask for the help you need.
If this is a sandwich generation with you in the middle, your mate should be right there in the middle with you making things happen. If you are going to be a sandwich, plan for the best, expect the best, and experience the best together.
2. Talk to your mate. Be certain your mate understands the pressure and responsibility you carry. Your mate may have an understanding of the duties of parenthood but do they have an understanding of your duties with your parents? This is vital because caring for your parents can take away from the time you spend with one another. Now more than ever it is crucial that you plan time together and refresh one another.
3. Plan. Plan not only your days and weeks but your future. As your parents continue to age and your children grow, their needs will change. What does the future hold? Will you need to arrange to have your parents live with you? Do they have long term care insurance which provides for live in care or covers the cost of a nursing facility? Plan and do your research. Preparation can help relieve the anxiety that comes with the unknown.
4. Take Good Care of You. You want to be your best for your mate, children, and parents. Well, that means you first need to be there for you. Self-care is essential. Not necessarily pampering – manicures and pedicures, but getting enough rest, eating the proper foods, distressing and removing the cares of the day before you take on the cares of tomorrow. Read this article on Who Cares For the Caregiver for more ideas.
5. Be Fully Present and Find Joy In the Moment. You miss out on precious moments when your body is present one place, but your mind has moved on down the road. Remain present and enjoy time by yourself, with your mate, your children and your parents. Find the joy. It’s your choice to stress through the moments or not. For me I have found that laughter does my heart good. As well, laughter can defuse a stressful situation. You may have to search for joy in some situations. Search for it like looking for gold.
Being the sandwich generation can spread you thin. Do your best to allow the times you face to draw you and your mate closer and not drive a wedge between you. It’s not that you are placing your children or your parents before your mate, it’s that they need more hands on care than your mate.
I encourage you to work together. Don’t become two ships passing in the night just trying to hold things together. You need each other to make it through this season of life.
BMWK, Have you found yourself in the sandwich generation?