I’m one of those people who, when I go to the gym, I go to work out. Not to gossip. Not to snag a date. Not to look cute. To work out.
I recognize that that’s not the case for everyone, which was apparent a couple of weeks ago during my morning workout.
As I was about to pick up my weights, a man in a space suit (I’m not sure what exactly they’re called, but I guess they’re supposed to make you sweat more) walked up in front of me while I had on my headphones.
Since he didn’t look like he was going anywhere until I acknowledged his presence, I reluctantly took off my headphones to say hello. What followed, made me wish I had kept them on. The conversation went something like this:
“I saw you working out and wanted to come and say hi.”
“Hi.”
“My name is Greg and I’m pretty new to the area. What’s your name?”
“Julian.”
“So Julian, when are you going to take me out to dinner?”
I silently did the Scooby-Doo: “Arooooo???!”
Then with a smile, I responded out loud, “Sorry, that’s not how I roll.”
“Oh, well when I moved to the DC area a year ago, I was told that that’s how all the women are here. They’re usually the ones to ask you out.”
“Yeah, not sure where you heard that, but that’s not me.” I was insulted he would assume after meeting me for the first time, that I fit into a stereotype he “heard” about DC women. I was definitely not interested. When he insisted I take his number, my phone died. Even God was like: “Ummmm…no.”
When I posted this story on my Facebook page, there was quite a bit of debate back and forth about why, in 2014, women should still expect the man to pay for dinner. Here are my top three reasons:
- Men like the chase. Just about every man I’ve talked to has admitted that they want to be the one to chase the woman. That’s how they’re programmed. This doesn’t mean that as women we have to play games with a guy when we know he’s interested, but it does mean that we need to allow him to make the move that will confirm his interest in you. You won’t have to guess whether he is or not: he’ll make it plain.
- It will show you whether or not this man has the ability or the desire to provide for you. A first date is a first date—don’t start planning your wedding just because he’s taking you out to dinner. However, I believe that with all relationships, the first impression is usually the most important. If he’s not willing to pay for your dinner—or worse yet, acts like he forgot his wallet—what does that say about his potential to help provide for your family if the relationship were to go any further?
- I still believe in chivalry. A good friend of mine, who’s very much a Southern gentleman, has demonstrated to me time and time again that chivalry is not dead. He still opens car doors, pulls out chairs, and always takes the check. Especially for those of us who are used to being “independent women,” it feels good to be taken care of every now and then.
I am well aware that there are those who have very different opinions on this topic; however, from my experience, and that of most couples I know who are happily married: the man wants to still be looked to as a provider and as someone who can take care of you. And I, for one, don’t mind.
What are your thoughts about whether or not women should still expect men to pay for dinner in this day and age?