Communication problems are common in marriages.
And, to be honest, it’s not just married people who struggle with effectively expressing their thoughts. All around the world, people are communicating poorly every single second, and most usually don’t realize it.
So what do we do?
How do we change this pattern of poor communication in marriages, knowing that the development of better skills will eventually extend beyond family life?
Like any other skill, mastering the art of communication can be challenging but certainly not impossible. Sometimes it can actually be as simple as becoming more aware of our own behaviors.
It’s easy to point the finger, and although your spouse may certainly have their issues, the most productive way to move forward is to closely examine YOUR role in the matter and focus on how you communicate.
I don’t think any of us can become perfect communicators overnight, but, with some time and patience, I do think we can all become better communicators.
Better communication leads to healthier, happier marriages.
Here are 5 things you should consider if communicating effectively is a problem in your marriage:
Should you really share everything that’s on your mind?
I’m pretty candid by nature, so holding my tongue with the people I love can be tough.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes along the way—and not just with my husband—when it comes to sharing too much. So ask yourself this:
Do you share everything that pops into your mind and is it really necessary?
I know how hard it can be to keep things to yourself when you have a burning desire to lay it out there, but if sharing it will only make things worse and keeping it to yourself is not an act of betrayal or dishonesty, maybe you should just share the necessary information and keep some things in your mind—where they won’t hurt anyone.
Is every battle really worth fighting?
Fighting about everything is such wasted energy. Some battles just don’t need to happen.
If you must, speak your truth, but do it concisely and then move on to something else.
Having disagreements with your spouse is inevitable, but you don’t really need to pick a fight or have a long discussion every time you disagree. Sometimes you have to truly assess the situation to determine if the battle is worth having and, if it’s not, let it go.
Silence doesn’t always mean the silent treatment.
You know how people always tell you to be still when you are seeking clarity or need to focus on something. The same goes for your marriage.
Sometimes being quiet and still is the best solution. And stillness doesn’t mean you are ignoring your spouse.
The silent treatment is an entirely different beast and can get to be pretty immature. Rather, silence can simply mean giving yourself the space you need to gain perspective and clarity about what’s going on in your marriage.
Do you appreciate who your spouse is?
Are you a chatterbox? If so, chances are you didn’t marry one.
Are you the quiet one? If so, you may have married someone who talks a bit more.
There is some truth to the old adage “opposites attract.” But to make your marriage successful, you really have to embrace and appreciate who your spouse is.
- If the end of the day is a time for them to recover and find peace of mind, it’s probably not a great time to have a major discussion.
- If morning conversations always seem to go south, maybe you should approach certain discussions later in the day.
Be clear about who you married and act accordingly.
What are your nonverbal cues saying?
Do you cross your arms when you pose a question? Is your tone way off? Is there plenty of at-titude to go around if you are having a conversation for the second (or third) time?
I get it. You are frustrated.
That’s completely normal. But, here’s the thing – what you communicate non-verbally often sends a stronger message than your verbal communication.
Think about your body language and tone because it can have a lot to do with whether or not your message is being received.
BMWK family, what are some things you’ve done to improve communication in your marriage?