It’s hard to see our loved ones in pain whether physical, mental, or emotional. What do you do when your spouse is hurting? How do you know when to step in and when to back off?
Here are 4 key areas to keep in mind when going through this type of challenge:
1. Keep the lines of communication open. Difficult subjects can be hard to approach, but don’t let this stop you. Keep the lines of communication open. When hurt in any way, some of us tend to get quiet, especially if it is a physical ailment. Spouses, even though your hurting partner may be quiet, ask or even anticipate what it is they may need – a meal fixed and served in bed, taking care of the children, the business affairs that need to be tended or a soft word that says everything is going to be alright.
2. Just be there. Though your spouse may be quiet during this time, sleeping more, or even a little moody, don’t abandon them. Sure, take time for yourself. You need to be replenished in order to handle what you are facing.
However, don’t abandon them with thoughts like: All you do is sleep anyway; he/she won’t even know I’m gone. He/she has an attitude all the time – so I’m out. [*we are not condoning abuse if abuse is present seek the proper help].
Be there to hold her hand. Be there to kiss his cheek. Be there to wipe a tear. Be there to encourage a smile.
3. Be an encourager. When the outward appeal of pretty has left the building and handsome has taken a backseat, encourage like never before. When your spouse is hurting there may be days when the hair doesn’t get combed and you may have to wash their face for them. Do what you have to do and encourage them as only you can. When your spouse is down and out, your encouragement will help to sustain them.
4. Ask for help when you need it. When you need help as the care giver, the one who is seeing your mate challenged physically, mentally, or emotionally, ask for it. Close friends, family members, support groups, a church outreach – they are there to support you. Call on them before it is too much to handle on your own. Note that – before it is too much to handle on your own. This challenge will be easier if you allow others to share it with you.
When your spouse is hurting, you hurt too.
We must put the “community” back into the black community where it is okay to say, “I need help. I don’t have this on my own.”
The infamous saying, “I got this,” at times must be replaced with, “I need help,” and it’s okay.