When Love Doesn’t Feel So Good……get the help you need
Let’s just be honest, every day of marriage doesn’t feel so good. This thing called love doesn’t always look like what you think love’s gonna look like.
I remember a day, when dark clouds moved into my car every time I drove down my street. The heavy black clouds that changed my mood in an instant were a reminder that I was almost home. When I should’ve been seeing a rainbow, instead, I felt, I saw, I heard storm clouds brewing… in my mind and in my heart.
I love this man but this did not feel like love. Somebody, anybody, help or I’m out!
I love this man but this did not feel like love. Somebody, anybody, help or I’m out! Yet, how could anybody help when no one knew what was going on? Because when I walk out the door to this house and go to work I smile like nothing is wrong. When I go to church on Sunday I smile and nod like everything is okay.
Is this the way all married people live? It can’t be. We had no picture, no example of how a marriage worked and winging it was proving not to be enough. So that was it. Packed up my car, packed up my baby and I was out.
A whole two weeks, that’s how long I was gone, not even long enough for my pillow to get cold, but long enough to feel like forever; I wanted my marriage. At the end of that two weeks, in a quiet firm voice, my mother-in-law said something I will never forget, “Deborah Mills take yourself back home. You never open up your home for another woman to come in.” I heard her loud and clear.
Enough foolishness, time to join the big people’s club, put our differences aside and decide to love. We thought we knew what love was, as it happened we didn’t know much.
We got the help we needed by attending counseling sessions once a week for a year and a half. There were many tears and moments of anger but they were all worth it. We learned that love takes work, education, and a conscious decision.
This was over 20 years ago. Just like then, we know now, we’re not alone. There are many couples going through the same thing we went through and suffering in silence. Reach out; get the needed support -books, your church, couples counselors, marriage coaches. Your marriage is a terrible thing to waste.
BMWK Have you ever been where we were; are you there right now; can you relate?
*Abuse was not present in our relationship. If any type of abuse is present seek immediate safety.